It's been an awful long time since I've spent time with this screen. (aka where I type/format this here blog)
As majority of you know, I stay crazy busy. I usually don't have a lot of time to sit down unless I'm sitting during class and grading papers or working on assignments for the 105 8th grade students I spend my days with now. I have been wanting to write, I just haven't really had much to say. I always have a lot on my mind but just getting them out into words is the hard part.
"Your heart can't catch up to your performance, but your performance can catch up to your heart."
Sometimes we put on a show. Sometimes we act like we have it all together but we really don't. Sometimes we get things all figured out and planned out, and we go to act on them... but we haven't really considered God for any of it. We haven't checked to make sure our hearts are in the right place.
If we seek God first, and commit to Him, He will establish our plans. He will line things up for us.
Sometimes we do things for the wrong reasons. We get hurt, we get wronged, we get confused, and we think that God has just left us hanging and so from here on out we make our own decisions.
I've done it. Many of you have done it.
Whether we admit it or not, a lot of the time we do things for the wrong reasons... we put on a show and our performance and our heart aren't in the same place.
Something I plan on trying, from here on out, is to really seek God in all I do. I want to check in with the Big Man up stairs before I start making decisions and the control freak (that I try to hide) tries to seep out.
I want to make sure I am searching HIS will for me and my life. I want to follow and lead Him lead.
take a second today, just think about some of the decisions you have made and are making and see if it was you making that decision or something God was leading you to do... are you doing things for the right reasons or because you feel like you have lost control and you are trying to take back the driver's seat...
(I LOVE this song. I thought about it a lot today and on my ride home. Thought about it when I thought about blogging and crazy enough.. it started playing right as I started to write... so of course it had to be the tune of choice for this post.) hello all. It's been quite a while since I've written. I'm really not 100% sure who reads this, or why. I tend to get some feedback. Sometimes I hear what people think. But I really write for me. I don't know why I write, but I do. So it's October 12th now (because it's well after midnight). So it is officially Friday.. so Happy Friday Y'all. there really is no point behind this post... I am just writing... I have been thinking A LOT today and it is just good to write.. thinking too much, Bad. writing, Good. PLUS, I thought driving home "I think I will write a blog.. Ill go get my computer out of the kitchen and write..." and my computer was already on my bed when I walked into my room.. so of course I had to write now. That was a cleaaarrr sign. I just love when there are certain things that you are thinking... asking.. questioning... wondering... and you get a clear YES or NO answer. I love it when that happens. You know how often that happens... ummm rarely! ha but it is a blessing regardless. I have been wondering what to do, like the "what's next?" For all of you that don't know I have TWO weeks of College classes left. EVER. (hopefully) and then it is internships until I graduate. 5 weeks in mountain city TN and then I. MOVE. HOME. ...is this real life? Is college life REALLY almost over..? YES. Yes it is. I have been wondering if I am supposed to stay around Hendersonville.. and I have been up and down, up and down, up and down about it.. but this fall break has given me a clear YES. This is where I am supposed to be and I will be here (in 7 weeks) until God leads me somewhere else. I have been wondering if I am going to be a good teacher.. or if I even should be a teacher.. and this week I have gotten a clear yes on that too (so lets see if that changes after my internships haha). I just feel like I can make such a difference in the lives of young kids... there are still a few other things that I am waiting on answers for.. that I've been praying about.. I want to know now... and I hate waiting... But all good things take time right? and all things work out for the good for those who love and follow God, right? So I need to take a breather, sit back in the saddle and let God lead me on. There are just some things I want to badly to close doors on and I can't. Or I want doors to be opened and they aren't. & I am just wondering where my Phil's-osophy is for all this (ps-Modern Family joke.. if you don't know what that is.. you are missing out.) Time has flown by so so fast. in 21 years, I've been through a lot. in 21 years, I have created such a hard exterior. in 21 years, I have not let people see my heart. it took 21 years, but I am learning to not be so hard. it took 21 years, but I am learning to let people see my heart. it took 21 years, but I am learning to love and understand what that word means. God can't heal you if you aren't first broken. God can't fill you up if you aren't first emptied. God can't lead you if you aren't first lost. God is in TOTAL control, so LET HIM BE IN CONTROL. Stop fighting against Him. Stop doubting Him or questioning Him. ...He's got this. whether we get a YES or a NO or no answer at all, or no answer right that moment.. it is OKAY. God. Is. In. Control. (and I am listening to another song and I will put it here because I think it belongs)
much love to all (those who do read this, I ask that you pray (or continue to pray) for me. I am up to my eyeballs in a kabillion different activities right now) -B
The perfect song for this blog & one of my all time favorites. One I would suggest REALLY listening to the lyrics. (AND I got to see this song performed live & loved it! and sorry for the ads) It has been a few weeks since I've written anything.. 20 days exactly I'm pretty sure... A lot of us struggle with a thing called pride. I love to write, but about good things. It is a lot harder to write about the bad things & the struggles and when I am lost, and low, and confused, and broken. I'm going to do it though. I have come a long way, and am proud of who God is creating me to be. I am not the same person I was two months ago. I am not the same person I was two weeks ago. I am not the same person I was two days ago. I am not the same person I was two hours ago. Life is ever changing, and God is always working in our lives. I came to the realization today that sometimes I just suck. yeah I said it, I suck. there really isn't a better word for it. I could list all the times I've messed up, wronged somebody, or just stumbled.. but it's just easier to say I suck. I carry so much on my plate that I neglect relationships. I know I am not always the best friend, sister, daughter, student, daughter of Christ... & I know I can't fix that but I can move past it, ask for forgiveness and start fresh. Even when I feel like I suck the most or I have royally screwed it up, those that love us forgive us. God forgives us. He loves us no matter how much we have screwed up. No matter how many times we have wronged Him, He always loves us anyways. Just as the song says. Now don't get me wrong, that doesn't give you permission to use and abuse God or any others in your life because if they love us it will be okay, if God loves us no matter what it will be okay. It won't. Sometimes I feel so broken, lost, confused, hurt, emotional.. and a kabillion and fifteen other things... It's okay to be weak. That I believe is God's way of showing me that we need Him. That I need Him. We are human, therefore we are not perfect. That means we will struggle, screw up and just flat out suck at times. It's okay to admit it. I just did, multiple times. I've been struggling a lot lately with letting God take control and lead me and trust in Him. That isn't fair to Him. I am not being the best daughter of the King when I do that. It happens though. I feel bad after. Just as bad as I feel for not being the best friend I can be, the best sister, or the best daughter. It's just time that I really focus on those relationships too and not neglect them. I carry so much on my plate but that is no excuse to be neglectful. It's time for me to put my big girl pants on & make things right & better from here on. "To worry is to doubt God." I trust that God uses these times to open my eyes. To help me grow. To make me and mold me into who He has created me to be. Today has been one of the craziest and one of the best days. Thankful for what God is doing in my life. Thankful that He loves us no matter what, even when we don't love ourselves or times in our life. Even when we try to turn from Him or take things into our own hands... He loves us anyway. He loves me anyway. I know what my problems are and it's time to fix them. I ask for those of you that read this blog (this very scattered rambling post) to pray for me. After you read this, when you think about me, anytime. Pray for me. No more sucking. No more doubting God. "let the past make you better, not bitter." goodnight y'all. -B
(since I am about to begin another year of life, my new year, I feel like this song is super fitting for this post) This is my first September post. It's the 3rd, which means tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 21 tomorrow. So today is my birthday eve (yes I acknowledge my birthday eve.. if you don't, you are missing out.) Usually on my birthday eve I do some reflecting. Just looking past over the last year.. I like to look at changes.. see how far I have come... see what events have happened.. see who has walked into my life and who has walked out. I am pretty content with this past year. I have come a long way and am not what I used to be. I am happy with who I am and who I am becoming. I have learned that it is so important to foster who you are. No two people were created the same so it seems completely insane to compare two unalike products. We may be similar but we are totally different. Each one of us was hand crafted for a special purpose and to be a special child of God. Too often we get caught up in trying to be like others, and we compare ourselves to those all around us when really we need to take a step back and realize that it is okay to be who we are. We need to foster who we are. I am learning that more and more. I love who I am. I know I am not the cookie cutter 21 year old college girl and I am beyond okay with that. I use to not be. I felt like I had to have everybody's approval and I DON'T. We only have to answer to God. We only have to do our works for Him. We only have to seek HIS approval and no one else's. We get so caught up in the flesh and the worldly things that we forget that. We forget that God made us who we are for a reason. There will always be people who have something to say about you and there will always be people who will try to change you. There will be people who don't like what you do or how you act because it isn't the same way they do things or you view things differently. But you know what that's ok! We don't have to have their approval. God & Myself. That's who I do stuff for. If I want to wear camo shoes, pearls, a pink shirt, and pull my hair back.. I can. (even though we all know I don't wear pearls or pink.. I'm saying if I want to do it, I can and I will.) I wear make up. Sometimes I wear jewelry. I drive a truck. I have a system in my truck. I love camo stuff. My favorite color is camo. I own high heels. I own Chippewas. I have 5 pairs of cowboy boots. I have 3 pairs of high heeled boots. I have dresses. I have overalls. I have a gun. I have a hunting game. I love football. I watch Gunsmoke. Some days I like to take time to get ready. Some days I get ready in 10 minutes. I listen to Christian music of the contemporary, rap, rock, and pop variety. I like rap, country, and pop music. I love to fish. I love to go shopping. I am unorganized. I love anything science, bugs, clouds, experiments. I love Jesus, and am not afraid to let you know where I stand. I am loud. I like to goof off. I like to make things and be crafty. I like doing hair and make-up for others. I don't like being a student. I can't wait to be a teacher. I love working with kids. I am not the most patient person. Sometimes I can get a temper. Sometimes I have an attitude. I usually say what is on my mind. I have trouble saying no. I like to help others any way I can. I am a procrastinator. I love to sleep. I love my family. I love to worship. If I keep thinking, I could make that list even longer than it is. Those things make me who I am. People aren't always going to like all those qualities, or all those things.. but like I said who cares? I am who I am and I am proud of it. As this year comes to a close for me and I begin a new one tomorrow, I am going to always foster who I am. I will be proud if who God has created me to be. I don't work, serve, or answer to anybody but my Heavenly Father. & I pray for this next year that He gives me the strength and the courage and the confidence to stand up for who I am, be proud of who I am, and not give into the worldly views. in the midst of all the madness, all we need is God. He is enough. I am thankful that I am given another day. I am thankful I am making it to another birthday. I am thankful God never stops working through me and using me. I am thankful God is enough. Let His will be done. Not that of my own. & all that starts will fostering who He has created me to be, and how He has made me. & on a cool note. I am going to start reading the plan where you read the Bible in a year. I am excited to do that study along with the others I have going on. Thankful for God's grace Thankful for God's blessings Thankful God teaches me things every day and I am continually growing in my walk with Him. Thankful for all the people God has put in my life over this past year & ready to see where He leads me from here. Let His will be done. -B
Happy last day of August & Happy Friday! I never have intentions to write. I never wake up saying "hmm, lets post a blog" or anything along those lines. I usually think of something to write about how God works in my life, and I think "hey I'm going to put this in my Facebook.... nope, it'll end up being too long. Guess I'll blog it out right before I need to be walking out the door." & that my friends is how that cookie crumbles. Okay, so doing my usually morning routine (Coffee, Facebook, Pinterest, Social Media, Social Media, Social Media, whichever and whatever they may be. Sometimes they vary each morning and the order does as well. Coffee is always there though.) I came across something on Facebook that just made me a little bit confused. Confused is good though sometimes. Sometimes we aren't supposed to know everything. That's how God keeps us on our toes. He is not boring by any means and He looooves to change the rules up mid game. I would know. He plays the switcharoo on me a lot. But anyways, sometimes we get so caught up in what we want, we forget about what is best for us. We also get so caught up in what we want that it becomes such a distraction from God. It becomes an idol. We turn our backs on God and focus on that "want". I don't call it a need, because if indeed it were a need, it would be given to us from God and we would never take our eyes off Him. God will cut you off mid path and slam a door right in your face if He sees something is distracting you from Him, or you are going a way He doesn't see fit. I am so thankful to have a Heavenly Father who only wants what is best for me, and for you too of course. I am thankful He closes those doors, changes rules mid game, and cuts me off mid path. I want to be focused solely on Him. Let any distractions in my life be gone. I will turn my back on the worldly things to keep my eyes focused on God. Just keep this in mind... Things aren't going to always go how we planned. You know why? God doesn't like for us to try and plan things. Don't try to take His job, y'all. It isn't our place. There are a reason those things you wanted you didn't get.. there is a reason why those things were wants and not needs... doors get closed so better ones can be opened. Trust God knows what is best. Trust God has the best plans in store for you. Just be patient. I am thankful God is leading me. I am thankful I will follow no matter what. I am thankful for all those who pray for me. I am thankful for all those God lets me reach through my writings. If God is trying to close a door in your life, don't stick your foot in the door.. don't try to wedge the door back open... don't try to keep Him from closing it. Let go and let God. He knows what He is doing, so let Him do His thing!
First off, I wish all of you teachers and students luck on your first day of the 2012-2013 school year! In this grey, clouded world it is hard to be a light but the cool thing is that we have a never ending flame burning inside of us all. So keep that in mind today, tomorrow, and for days to come.
What's even cooler, is I know that our Church is full of students and teachers who are prepared to go into those schools beaming.
I love my Church.
Holy smokes. God has been doing some great things in that place. For those of you who don't know, I attend Living Water Baptist in Hendersonville. And it is AWESOME. (and yes, I still go to App and live in Boone during the week. And yes I drive home every weekend I can to be home and go to my home Church.)
I started going to LW when I was a senior in high school, and now I'm a senior in college. There is truly no othe place I would rather hear from God, worship God, & talk to God. So thankful for Caleb, for getting me started in that Church. Thankful for Sabrina L for first reaching her hand out to me during my dark times & helping guide me. Thankful for Pastor Tony and David for being so awesome. Thankful for Tony, David, Sabrina and my Church family for supporting me in so many ways.
Yesterday was such an amazing day. The regular service was fantastic. And the night worship... I don't even have words to explain how awesome it was. I watched God move in so many ways in so many lives.
I personally was broken last night. I know God is calling me to do big things and He is preparing me.. and I see it. I am so beyond excited to see what happens.
It's time to clear away all things that my stand in the way of God. It's time to turn my back to the worldly things and keep my eyes on God. It's time to let God lead.
If you haven't ever been to Living Water, or you've been once or twice.. If you don't have a Church you're plugged into, or looking for a Church to call yours.. I urge you to give Living Water a chance.
God is awesome. Living Water is awesome. Words can't describe how I feel right now. This is something I've never experienced before but I am so ready for God to lead me and show me what's next. I'm already ready for Sunday.
New small group, which is awesome. Service which is awesome. And a Church family which is awesome.
Thankful for it all.
And on a side note, it's almost my birthday! A week from tomorrow (Tuesday) yay!!
(one of my favorite songs. goes well with this blog.. I think. That or I just really like this song) Good morning all! I survived my first day of my senior year of college, currently I am in my second day. So yes, I am writing this during my 8 am... oops, sorry Dr. H.. for all of you that read this blog, you know when I feel the urge to write that I will write.. soooo here goes! "A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset. When you wake up take a second to think about how much of a privilege it is to simply be alive and healthy. The moment that you start acting like life is a blessing, I assure you it will start feeling like one. Time spent living is time worth appreciating."
Those words there came from a facebook status in me news feed this morning. How true are those words? How powerful are those words? I feel like sometimes people say things and the words speak to us, and they are truly words from God. I am usually pretty positive, but sometimes I drag my feet... sometimes, I can be so negative that it's not even funny. That's really not how I should be. That shouldn't be my mindset... The past few weeks, actually the past few months, have taught me so much about being thankful for my life. My life is a blessing. Each day is a gift. By God's grace, I have been given my life and by my faith I trust Him with it. I have weathered a few storms in my life, and it still rains on occasion in Brooke-town.. But just as every sunny day is a blessing.. every rain storm is a blessing. Sometimes I catch myself waiting for things to be over, and counting down days.. and right now I am feeling that big time since this is my last semester of actual classes so Tate's words came just in time. I need to realize that every day is a blessing and it's all about the mindset. I can make the best of this time or make the worst of it. I think I'll choose to make the best of this situation and enjoy my days and my times and my experiences that come with the situation I am in now. Every day is a blessing and God has me where He does for a reason. Thankful for Tate's words. Thankful for such an almighty God. -B
Ok i'm sure you're thinking "what the world is she talking about? How do those even relate to each other?!"
Strangely enough they all fit together in similar ways and I'll tell you how.
Those three things go together because these are all analogies for how you impact another persons life. You impact everybody you come across in some way, no matter what. You are a puzzle piece out of their giant puzzle of life, you leave a footprint in their lives as you pass through, and you may be that spare tire they needed when they had a flat on this road trip we call life. .
When you look at it that way, everybody we come in contact with we impact even in just a tiny way. You can be a piece in the dark part of somebody's puzzle or a part of the good spot.. You can leave a bad uneven footprint in somebody's life or you can leave a soft elegant footprint (you know, the ones you always see in pictures.. That are never like the ones you try to make in the sand) and last but not least my favorite analogy.. You can be an old flat spare tire that is there but no benefit at all (like those little donut tires), or you can be a full spare tire ready to help in the time of need.
The reason I like that analogy the most. Is because I have been driving A LOT lately and one day on my many trips it clicked.. Life is like a giant road trip. You have a starting point and a finish point and many miles and obstacles and pit stops and fill ups in between...
Everybody is on a road trip called life, and nobody's starting points, paths, or destinations are the same.. But your paths may cross..
Take a minute and think about your road trip called life and who has been there to be a pot hole or a flat tire and who has been there to be the gas pump that fills you up or the spare tire in your time of need...
Which do you want to be in the lives of others? Think about it.
Good morning from the beach! Well actually, good morning from the comfy chair in the living room from the beach, looking at the beach from the glass porch door because it's currently raining.
Drinking coffee and checkin my Twitter (what all "adults" do first thing in the morning) I found an awesome tweet from an account called "God's Grace" that I follow. I took a screenshot and instagrammed it of course and will attach it at the bottom. I am also reading a plan on "Grace" this week while I am here to do some studying with Ci and I read my title verse. Both the tweet and the section of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 really take a look at God's grace.
We cannot be strong all the time, I have tried and let me just tell you it does not happen.. But God is strong for us when we are weak. When we encounter a struggle God is using us and working through the struggles and the weakness to mold and shape us. How awesome is that? God has a reason for everything and I am so thankful that we serve a mighty King. So thankful that we have a reason to sing and glorify Him even in the darkest of times, the deepest of waters, & the strongest of storms.
Let God be strong for you and work on you during the weak times, because when we are weak, then we are strong. The weak times show us how strong we can be and strong our God is.
the song that reminds me most of Di ^ As a lot of you know, last Friday my cousin Diamond went on to be with the Lord. She doesn't have to struggle, suffer, hurt, or be anything other than at rest and at peace. He called her home and is protecting her from the evils of this world. After Friday, I found a new level of strength in me I did not know I had. I have learned a lot this week.. I always say you only get one life to love, I mean it's the title of my blog.. but something like this puts your one life into perspective. My heart aches along with those of my family for the loss of Diamond. We miss her already.. I've already been thinking about this coming Thanksgiving and who I'll be shooting with. I'll probably have my pink gun by then so Diamond will be right there with me shooting. (side note--probably ALL of you know that I am not a pink person.. but I always laughed about Diamond having a pink gun and all her love of pink so I think it's only fit if I get a pink gun in honor of her. I am also probably going to invest in a pink diamond decal for my truck too in memory of her.) I have seen so many people reach out and come together this week. I have learned distance doesn't matter for family, & there is no excuse for not being there for somebody. I have learned you cannot be selfish when it comes to family. During time of joy or time of heartache. I have learned that the word "cousin" is really just another way to say brothers and sisters. I have learned that I have a fantastic family. I have learned that I have some real true friends. I have learned what it means to truly have a best friend. I have learned that I am a part of a Church that freaking rocks.
I cannot thank you guys enough for reaching out to me. The hugs, the kind words, the thoughts, the prayers. & the best part is letting me goof off with their kids all week and for not treating me like anything was wrong. Laughing and playing and joking around was what I needed. You guys are so amazing and I am so thankful to be part of such an amazing Church family and group of friends. I cannot thank you guys enough for the comfort and support. We may never know why God does what He does or why. I know Diamond is protected from the evils of this world now and will be forever safe. Yesterday was a hard day for us all.. by my side I had my family and my best friend. (Lets just say if I had to hand craft a friend perfect for me, I could not have done a better job. I thank the Lord daily for Ciara Jean. He did a reallll good job. I don't know where I would be without her. I have learned so much and grown in so many ways. Together we are planning and working towards great things and I couldn't do it without her.) Sitting in that pew with a heavy heart and mixed emotions I turned to see if my Grandparents had arrived at the Church yet and I could not believe who I saw.. two spectacular, sharped dressed men...David Godzisz and Tony Birkhead. I was shocked, and of course I cried (happy tears of course). That was by far the nicest thing I have ever had done for me, it was so unexpected but God works like that.. To have Ciara beside me and those men behind me meant so so much to me. I cannot thank those three enough for being there to support me and my family. I can't even put into words how I felt having them there. I can't stop thinking about it and it will be something I never forget. I have never had anything done like that for me before. This week has shown me who truly cares for me. The Lord has put some amazing people into my life and lets just say I LOVE my friends and my Church! I have no idea how I will ever repay Ciara, Tony, David, and all of you for reaching out to me and just being the strength I couldn't find in myself. Death is never easy and saying it sucks is an understatement, but all of that support, comfort, and strength made it bearable. With God all things are possible. With God all things are perfect. He has a plan for us all and we just have to let Him do His thing. We have to trust Him because He does know what He is doing. We have to stop questioning God and just let Him use us. Let His will be done, not ours. Again, I cannot thank you guys enough for everything you have done for me this week. The words, the hugs, the support, the comfort, the laughs, the smiles, all of it has made things a little bit easier and given me the strength to be there for others in my family.
Rest in piece Diamond. Thank you for the memories, and the laughs and the 24 years you blessed us with. So glad you are safe from the hands of this world. You are protected forevermore by the hands of God.
I love you all. Thank you to all of you who reached out to me and my family for being a part of my life and showing me what it truly means to have care for others.
It's been a while since I've written anything. Really just haven't had much to say. A lot of things going on will keep you distracted.
You know, I always talk about how we have one life to love.. It's even the title of my blog.. Let me tell you something though, you never truly realize that until the time comes when you lose somebody. You dont get a redo button. That person who wasn't given tomorrow.. That will really put things into perspective. You really only get one life to live. What do you choose to do with your one life.. Do you let little things bother you? Do you pick petty fights? Do you cherish the time you spend with others? Do you love, like God loves us? Nobody's perfect and everybody makes mistakes. We hurt ones we love, we don't tell those how we truly feel, we put things off... What happens if you, or those you love aren't given tomorrow? We're all of your squabbles and harsh words worth it? Those things you let take priority over loved ones, were they really worth it?
Today I lost a cousin. My heart hurts for this loss. Too young to go but God has a plan for everybody. He had a plan for her and now she is with Him. He is protecting her from the evils of this world. It is hard to swallow, hard to understand.. It just hasn't sank in yet. We already miss her and she will continue to be in our hearts for days to come. May you be a guardian angel watching over us. No good byes just cya laters.. Love you girl. Thank you for blessing us with 24 years.
Please pray for our family. Keep us in your thoughts.
(there is your song for this post, I feel like it fits.)
Just posted my title verse on my Facebook wall, but I feel like I need to say a little more than, "for those struggling:: just a good reminder." (even though I need to be studying for my Bio exam, ooops)
That verse is more just a reminder, it's more like a command. God is telling us, "COME to ME. Don't you know that I KNOW you are struggling and things are not easy. You can find all of your rest and peace in Me." In verse 28 God says "I will give you rest" and He turns around and in 29 repeats it "You will have rest" There is no maybe or you might. He is telling you, "if you come to ME I WILL give you rest. If you come to ME I WILL help you. I WILL carry your load for you."
You can always rely on the Lord to help you through your struggles. When you aren't strong enough He will be strong enough for you.
Maybe He has brought you to what He has so you will see He is all you need, and that you can't ever stop relying on Him. When all things disappear and all others vanish, He will be there for you lean on. He is jealous for you.
Joshua 1: 5 "No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."
He tells us there "I will NEVER leave you, ever."
Having problems? Things just not going the right way? Feeling Lost? Got a lot on your mind? No thing here on this earth can help you escape it, or deal with it for long. Talk to God about it. Take your problems to Him and give them to Him.
Praying for those with heavy hearts and those going through struggles right now.
Holy gap between blog posts.... It has been a while, a long while.
Holy over 1000 views! Many many thanks to those who read and support me! I never expected it would get that much attention.
So I have never really been all that great with words but it seems like when I get into a situation where I need the right words to say, or write, they just flow like a river. Totally a God thing. Promise. I have been growing daily in my walk and relationship with the Lord and I love it all because I am seeing Him work through me and use me.
Mark 2:17 says "healthy people don't need a doctor--sick people do. I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners."
God has definitely been using me lately. Even in ways I am unaware of. I have always heard God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. He has definitely been using my weaknesses (yes believe it or not, I do have a few weaknesses haha) to reach others.
This is a short post tonight but here is my point: You can sit around and wait for others to reach out to you, and to those around you.. or you could be the one that reaches out. Your decision.
I'm not totally sure if, or how this song goes along with what I am going to write, or but it definitely plays a roll in my life right now. I really connect with it, and some of you may too.
Have you ever wished you had a fast forward button? I'm sure whether you admit it or not you have. We all have sometime or another. I am in that point where I wish I had a fast forward button. I am tired of waiting. I want to be out of the place I am now. I want to be out of the situations I am now. I want out of the feelings that I have now. I want to shake it all and move back and re-work things so I don't end up where I am right now. I want to move past this all and be to my goal. Feeling like this all day, just really wanting to things to be done and be over. I am approaching my last semester ever of classes and my last year of college. I am working towards new big things and I just wish I could have them all now.
The first stanza of this song really sort of explains where I am now. Don't get me wrong, I have had some wonderful experiences here and learned a whole lot. I have grown and spent a big chapter of my life in this town. It has had its ups and downs and time has run its course. I am ready to be done.
I used to walk this town
with my head hanging down
I felt so alone
I was so close to giving up
Lost all hope in love
So far from home
Those words really truly explain how I feel, and where I am at. I am so far from home. I feel lost, and alone up here and wonder what and why God has me here in this town other than to earn a degree.
Today, I wanted that fast forward button bad.
When God has placed things in your life and is leading you and calling you to do certain things for Him and to honor Him, Satan is not going to be happy with that. He will try to stop you, throw anything he can in the way to make you fall and stumble.
Don't believe me? Well let me just give you some personal examples from over the week (about last Wednesday to today.)
Alright, check it. So I have been doing some working and studying and reaching out to people. Satan hates that, he is not a fan of what I'm doing. Like my post said yesterday, he is fighting. He is trying to stop me. Okay so Wednesday, I got DRENCHED. Not once, but twice. I froze, soaking wet through lab but still just kept on smiling and dealt with it. Thinking about it now makes me laugh actually. Over the weekend there were some events and things that threw me off course and my mood sunk some and it was hard to keep it up. It was pretty much a roller coaster. Good things and bad things, highs and lows. Yesterday I was minding my own business just walking and got stung by the biggest bee of my life. Today. Ha today, I woke up early showered and what not, and come to find out I had left my mousse and most of my make-up at home. Sweet jibblets was what funny too and my bee sting, HUGE now. I officially have a cankle, and it is only getting worse as time goes on. I mean if it's not one thing it's the next and the devil is really trying to just stop me in my tracks but I cannot let him.
However, some of my biggest struggles are patience and being thankful for what I do have. When I give into those struggles I am losing the battle. I am working on it though. The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have on and I have more than one, just sayin'. We all have struggles. Sometimes I overlook the small things that I should be giving thanks for. Giving thanks for what I have and where I am now will help me to be patient and more positive.
Those things aren't easy. Especially when God has called you to do something, and you feel like there are SO many things that you could and should be doing if you were in a different place. But obviously that is now what I am supposed to be doing right now or I would be. Flipping back through my notes from Pastor Tony's sermon yesterday I found the below.
Looking over that really makes me stop in my tracks. I have to stop waiting for it to be over. I am here for a reason and even if I don't know what it is. I may never know but I need to really take a step back and re-evaluate. I have written a number of times before in these blog posts that this is my one life to love and I have to stop wishing it away. God isn't going to be pleased with my ability to count backwards, just sayin'. You think by now it would sink in. It is obviously something I struggle with a lot. I am working on being more patient, more positive, and more thankful. I really need to get on the ball and trust and wait on the Lord. There is a purpose and a reason for me to be where I am and not where I want to be. He knows what is best, I don't. He probably wants me to stop telling Him what to do, too. I can't just sit around either. I need to move. I need to step up.
I ask to all of you that read my blog, that walk with me as I am growing in my walk, walk with me in my life.. pray for me. I have a lot of things going on right now and a lot of obstacles I am trying to overcome. Things are good and going well I just know I am fighting a battle I cannot win on my own.
one of my favorite songs; by far one of the best I can think of to fit this post. Listen while you read.
First off--Happy 2 month birthday to my blog! Over 960 views in 2 months! Many thanks to those who read it.
Back on track--Do you just ever feel like you don't know, and you don't know what you don't know? That place where you don't know which way is up, which way is down, which way to take a step, whether to run, or to walk, or to just completely stop. It is probably the most confusing, and most awful place I feel like I have ever been. It is such a struggle. I don't know where to go, what to do, what to say.. There are so many things going on in my life right now (both good and bad). It's a battle. Spiritual battles. I am jumping hurtles everyday, and I am getting to the point where I am stumbling and barely making it over them.
Ephesians 6:10-20
New International Version (NIV)
The Armor of God
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.
Ephesians 6:10-20 tells us that we are to stand firm, put on the armor of God and stay strong. We will never stop fighting these battles and trying to catch everything the Devil is pitching at us. The devil sends things our way to throw us off our paths, to make us turn and run, to hurt us and those around us, to tear us apart and make us lose focus of what we are doing. This passage and this song by Chris August tells us that the world tries to battle for our hearts and our attention and our focus but the war has already been won. God will fight every battle with us and for us if we let him. We have to stay focused and no matter what is thrown at us we have to stand our ground. We have to pray, and never stop praying.
It's not easy and I know it. I will speak from experience. When you have a situation going on and you are trying to stay focused and not get distracted things come along and that spark of a distraction turns into a wild fire. People talk, people lie, people gossip, people are deceitful. The devil will use whatever and whoever he can to create a battle and tear us down and keep us from focusing on God and what He has planned out for us. I struggle a lot with these things. I know what is going on around me and I still let it swallow me whole. I drown in the floods the devil sends my way. It's not because I want to, trust me. Things aren't easy and I wish it was. I have to be, we have to be, prayer warriors and let God lead us and help us fight this battle we are with us and for us. We can't do things on our own no matter what we think. That is something I am realizing here lately.
I can't do this on my own.
I know what God has called me to do, and I know where he is leading me. Sometimes He just wants us to realize that we need to fully rely on Him in all we do and every step we take.
Pain, confusion, sadness, struggles, happiness, all of it is a chance for growth.
Are you willing to stand up and stand your ground? Let God guide you and lead you? Trust He will take care of us in all situations?
Not knowing what I don't know is hard. Feeling lost is even worse. If I knew though, what would be the point of learning trust, learning to talk to God, and letting him be in control.
I want to talk more about something I have learned, not from the classroom though. (we all know that I play on this cool iPhone during class.) But seriously, I have learned a lot about patience and waiting this past month. I'm going to upload a picture I took today and it will probably post on the bottom but it's just an added visual. I thought of the yield sign because you aren't completely stopped, you're just waiting. You're waiting for your safety. If you run that yield sign you could be in danger. If you aren't patient you are only causing yourself and others danger.
Think about it.
The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.
Whether it be a job, a relationship, a ministry, or whatever it may be, if God doesn't think you're ready for it He won't give it to you. Plus God cares about us and knows what's best. What you think you may want now may not be truly best for you. Only He truly knows. The Bible tells us a number of times to wait for His perfect timing an that in His time He makes all things beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
Do you trust God knows what's best? I have learned that it is better to let Him take control and let Him bring things into my life when He knows in ready. Just because I may think I want something, doesn't mean it is what's best. I have been fighting being patient and trying to figure out why things haven't gone my way. I am slowly starting to see what God has in store for me in my time of yielding to Him. Let me just tell you, it is TOTALLY WORTH IT.
What are you waiting for today? Are you going to yielding for God's perfect planning and timing?
This is a first! Two posts in a week is a big deal, but two posts in one day?! Whatttt I don't normally do this. Actually I have never done this before. Playing never have I ever here for a quick second; never have I ever written two blogs in one day... until now.
It's normally a stretch to write one. I feel the urge to write and I do it. I know that I don't fuel my writings, God does; and I don't know about you but I don't tell Him no. (best of luck to you though if you want to give that a shot. Let me know how it goes though, okay?)
So this morning I wrote about doing things to please God. Remember; Obey. Trust. Please God, Not Man. I also talked a little about making sure your heart is in the right place in all you do.
One of my all time favorite songs, that I am basically obsessed with now and can and will listen to it over and over again (I am actually listening to it now as I write) is a whole song about 1 Corinthians 13:2. And here it is!
It even has the lyrics if you want to sit down and read along! I strongly suggest that you take time to really listen to this song. Think about what they are saying. Think about the message behind this song. I love this song but I really feel like the version with the monologue is the best one by far! This version is that version and the monologue is 2:15 in exactly. Listen carefully to this part.
"I am bankrupt without love"
Without love we have nothing. You can have the best intentions ever, you can say the kindest things, do the nicest things but if you don't have love in your heart all of that is meaningless.
"If I sing but don't have love I waste my breath with every song I bring an empty voice, a hollow noise If I speak with a silver tongue Convince a crowd but don't have love I leave a bitter taste with every word I say"
wow. how powerful is that? I mean really think about it! 1 John 4:19 Tells us that we must love because He first loved us. Romans 5:8 tells us that He first showed love to us, even as sinners. If God can love us no matter what, we can love others no matter what. We can sing any worship song, lift our hands as high as we can, but if we don't love none of that matters. We can give everything we have, but if we don't give love then it becomes meaningless. Without His love we have nothing. Without loving others we have nothing.
Listen, I know just as well as you do that love isn't easy. Like the song says, love is a sacrifice.
I don't know about you, but I feel like it is definitely worth the sacrifice. Without love, you are nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:2 tells us that "if I don't love, I have nothing" I don't know about you, but I would rather make that sacrifice and love than have my words and actions be wasted and meaningless.
"So no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I am bankrupt without love."
Romans 13:8Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
Ephesians 4:2with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,
1 Peter 1:22Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart,
1 John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.
God has told us a number of times through a number of songs, a number of verses in the Bible, and His selfless actions that love is key.
Listen to that song. Actually listen to the words. Listen to what they are saying.
Do I want my songs to be empty? my words to be bitter? my breath to be wasted? Definitely not. I don't want to make it to Judgement Day and have God say "Good try, but you were missing something... didn't I tell you over and over and over again to love? Did I not tell you without love that you would have nothing? That your words would be empty, that your words would be bitter, that your breath would be wasted?"
