Psalm 48:14 (NIV) For this God is our God for ever and ever; He will be our guide even to the end.

(I LOVE this song. I thought about it a lot today and on my ride home. Thought about it when I thought about blogging and crazy enough.. it started playing right as I started to write... so of course it had to be the tune of choice for this post.)

hello all.
It's been quite a while since I've written. 
I'm really not 100% sure who reads this, or why. I tend to get some feedback. Sometimes I hear what people think.
But I really write for me.
I don't know why I write, but I do. 

So it's October 12th now (because it's well after midnight). So it is officially Friday.. so Happy Friday Y'all.

there really is no point behind this post... I am just writing... I have been thinking A LOT today and it is just good to write..
thinking too much, Bad.
writing, Good. 
PLUS, I thought driving home "I think I will write a blog.. Ill go get my computer out of the kitchen and write..." and my computer was already on my bed when I walked into my room.. so of course I had to write now. That was a cleaaarrr sign.

I just love when there are certain things that you are thinking... asking.. questioning... wondering... and you get a clear YES or NO answer. 
I love it when that happens.
You know how often that happens... ummm rarely! ha but it is a blessing regardless.

I have been wondering what to do, like the "what's next?"

For all of you that don't know I have TWO weeks of College classes left. EVER. (hopefully) and then it is internships until I graduate. 5 weeks in mountain city TN and then I. MOVE. HOME. 
...is this real life? Is college life REALLY almost over..?
YES.
Yes it is.


I have been wondering if I am supposed to stay around Hendersonville.. and I have been up and down, up and down, up and down about it.. but this fall break has given me a clear YES. This is where I am supposed to be and I will be here (in 7 weeks) until God leads me somewhere else.

I have been wondering if I am going to be a good teacher.. or if I even should be a teacher.. and this week I have gotten a clear yes on that too (so lets see if that changes after my internships haha). I just feel like I can make such a difference in the lives of young kids...

there are still a few other things that I am waiting on answers for.. that I've been praying about.. 
I want to know now... and I hate waiting... But all good things take time right? and all things work out for the good for those who love and follow God, right? So I need to take a breather, sit back in the saddle and let God lead me on. 

There are just some things I want to badly to close doors on and I can't. Or I want doors to be opened and they aren't. & I am just wondering where my Phil's-osophy is for all this (ps-Modern Family joke.. if you don't know what that is.. you are missing out.) 

Time has flown by so so fast.
in 21 years, I've been through a lot.
in 21 years, I have created such a hard exterior.
in 21 years, I have not let people see my heart.
it took 21 years, but I am learning to not be so hard.
it took 21 years, but I am learning to let people see my heart.
it took 21 years, but I am learning to love and understand what that word means.

God can't heal you if you aren't first broken.
God can't fill you up if you aren't first emptied. 
God can't lead you if you aren't first lost.


God is in TOTAL control, so LET HIM BE IN CONTROL. Stop fighting against Him. Stop doubting Him or questioning Him.
...He's got this. 

whether we get a YES or a NO or no answer at all, or no answer right that moment.. it is OKAY. 
God. Is. In. Control. 

(and I am listening to another song and I will put it here because I think it belongs)



much love to all
(those who do read this, I ask that you pray (or continue to pray) for me. I am up to my eyeballs in a kabillion different activities right now)

-B