Deuteronomy 31:6b "He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

The perfect song for this blog & one of my all time favorites. One I would suggest REALLY listening to the lyrics. (AND I got to see this song performed live & loved it! and sorry for the ads)


It has been a few weeks since I've written anything.. 20 days exactly I'm pretty sure...

A lot of us struggle with a thing called pride. 
I love to write, but about good things. It is a lot harder to write about the bad things & the struggles and when I am lost, and low, and confused, and broken. 
I'm going to do it though.

I have come a long way, and am proud of who God is creating me to be.
I am not the same person I was two months ago.
I am not the same person I was two weeks ago.
I am not the same person I was two days ago.
I am not the same person I was two hours ago.

Life is ever changing, and God is always working in our lives.

I came to the realization today that sometimes I just suck.
yeah I said it, I suck.
there really isn't a better word for it. 
I could list all the times I've messed up, wronged somebody, or just stumbled.. but it's just easier to say I suck. 

I carry so much on my plate that I neglect relationships. 
I know I am not always the best friend, sister, daughter, student, daughter of Christ... & I know I can't fix that but I can move past it, ask for forgiveness and start fresh.


Even when I feel like I suck the most or I have royally screwed it up, those that love us forgive us. 
God forgives us. He loves us no matter how much we have screwed up. No matter how many times we have wronged Him, He always loves us anyways. Just as the song says. 
Now don't get me wrong, that doesn't give you permission to use and abuse God or any others in your life because if they love us it will be okay, if God loves us no matter what it will be okay. It won't.

Sometimes I feel so broken, lost, confused, hurt, emotional.. and a kabillion and fifteen other things... 
It's okay to be weak. That I believe is God's way of showing me that we need Him. That I need Him. 

We are human, therefore we are not perfect. That means we will struggle, screw up and just flat out suck at times. It's okay to admit it. I just did, multiple times.

I've been struggling a lot lately with letting God take control and lead me and trust in Him. That isn't fair to Him. I am not being the best daughter of the King when I do that. It happens though. I feel bad after. Just as bad as I feel for not being the best friend I can be, the best sister, or the best daughter. 

It's just time that I really focus on those relationships too and not neglect them. I carry so much on my plate but that is no excuse to be neglectful. 
It's time for me to put my big girl pants on & make things right & better from here on.



"To worry is to doubt God."

I trust that God uses these times to open my eyes. To help me grow. To make me and mold me into who He has created me to be. 

Today has been one of the craziest and one of the best days. 
Thankful for what God is doing in my life. 
Thankful that He loves us no matter what, even when we don't love ourselves or times in our life. Even when we try to turn from Him or take things into our own hands... He loves us anyway. He loves me anyway.

I know what my problems are and it's time to fix them. 
I ask for those of you that read this blog (this very scattered rambling post) to pray for me. After you read this, when you think about me, anytime.
Pray for me.


No more sucking.
No more doubting God.

"let the past make you better, not bitter." 

goodnight y'all.
-B