I'm not totally sure if, or how this song goes along with what I am going to write, or but it definitely plays a roll in my life right now. I really connect with it, and some of you may too.
Have you ever wished you had a fast forward button? I'm sure whether you admit it or not you have. We all have sometime or another. I am in that point where I wish I had a fast forward button. I am tired of waiting. I want to be out of the place I am now. I want to be out of the situations I am now. I want out of the feelings that I have now. I want to shake it all and move back and re-work things so I don't end up where I am right now. I want to move past this all and be to my goal. Feeling like this all day, just really wanting to things to be done and be over. I am approaching my last semester ever of classes and my last year of college. I am working towards new big things and I just wish I could have them all now.
The first stanza of this song really sort of explains where I am now. Don't get me wrong, I have had some wonderful experiences here and learned a whole lot. I have grown and spent a big chapter of my life in this town. It has had its ups and downs and time has run its course. I am ready to be done.
I used to walk this town
with my head hanging down
I felt so alone
I was so close to giving up
Lost all hope in love
So far from home
Those words really truly explain how I feel, and where I am at. I am so far from home. I feel lost, and alone up here and wonder what and why God has me here in this town other than to earn a degree.
Today, I wanted that fast forward button bad.
When God has placed things in your life and is leading you and calling you to do certain things for Him and to honor Him, Satan is not going to be happy with that. He will try to stop you, throw anything he can in the way to make you fall and stumble.
Don't believe me? Well let me just give you some personal examples from over the week (about last Wednesday to today.)
Alright, check it. So I have been doing some working and studying and reaching out to people. Satan hates that, he is not a fan of what I'm doing. Like my post said yesterday, he is fighting. He is trying to stop me. Okay so Wednesday, I got DRENCHED. Not once, but twice. I froze, soaking wet through lab but still just kept on smiling and dealt with it. Thinking about it now makes me laugh actually. Over the weekend there were some events and things that threw me off course and my mood sunk some and it was hard to keep it up. It was pretty much a roller coaster. Good things and bad things, highs and lows. Yesterday I was minding my own business just walking and got stung by the biggest bee of my life. Today. Ha today, I woke up early showered and what not, and come to find out I had left my mousse and most of my make-up at home. Sweet jibblets was what funny too and my bee sting, HUGE now. I officially have a cankle, and it is only getting worse as time goes on. I mean if it's not one thing it's the next and the devil is really trying to just stop me in my tracks but I cannot let him.
However, some of my biggest struggles are patience and being thankful for what I do have. When I give into those struggles I am losing the battle. I am working on it though. The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have on and I have more than one, just sayin'. We all have struggles. Sometimes I overlook the small things that I should be giving thanks for. Giving thanks for what I have and where I am now will help me to be patient and more positive.
Those things aren't easy. Especially when God has called you to do something, and you feel like there are SO many things that you could and should be doing if you were in a different place. But obviously that is now what I am supposed to be doing right now or I would be. Flipping back through my notes from Pastor Tony's sermon yesterday I found the below.
Looking over that really makes me stop in my tracks. I have to stop waiting for it to be over. I am here for a reason and even if I don't know what it is. I may never know but I need to really take a step back and re-evaluate. I have written a number of times before in these blog posts that this is my one life to love and I have to stop wishing it away. God isn't going to be pleased with my ability to count backwards, just sayin'. You think by now it would sink in. It is obviously something I struggle with a lot. I am working on being more patient, more positive, and more thankful. I really need to get on the ball and trust and wait on the Lord. There is a purpose and a reason for me to be where I am and not where I want to be. He knows what is best, I don't. He probably wants me to stop telling Him what to do, too. I can't just sit around either. I need to move. I need to step up.
I ask to all of you that read my blog, that walk with me as I am growing in my walk, walk with me in my life.. pray for me. I have a lot of things going on right now and a lot of obstacles I am trying to overcome. Things are good and going well I just know I am fighting a battle I cannot win on my own.
I won't give up though, I will promise you that.
No comments:
Post a Comment