2 Corinthians 12:9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through

Two blog posts, this close together.. Woahhh now. Doing work so far in 2013.


Since I am doing this from my phone I cannot post a YouTube video so if you are reading this and want some jams, I suggest you listen to "Need You Now" by Plumb (here is the mobile link http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zzikLM0NrfM)

But honestly, I love to write. I used to hate to write and it used to be one of my huge weaknesses. The cool part about it is that I don't decide when I write. I truly believe God place the words in my heart and my hands just go to work. I talk a lot, but I used to never be a writer. I was nervous to write and I just hated doing it. I love how God has been strengthening me and using, what was truly my biggest weakness, as an outlet for me.

Now that I like to write I do, but if I try to write or try to decide for myself I want to write... Nothing comes.
But when God tells me "write" the words flow to this computer screen (or this super fancy iPhone blogger app.. Thank you Google!)

Right now, some of my other weakness are being tried, challenged, and strengthened... Patience. Worry. Trust. Three things that I would love to say I don't struggle with but I don't like lyin.

I am in a place right now where I truly have to lean on God for His strength and guidance. I am thankful when I have a smile on my face and thankful when I have a heavy heart because I have seen God take a weakness of mine and make it stronger. I have seen what He has done with just one thing, my writing... And now I get the opportunity to see how He strengthens and works with three things. I cannot wait to see how I grow closer to Him as He works in my life.

I have a feeling my mind is about to be blown.

Is there something you're struggling with... A weakness you have that you think can never be used... That you'll never get over or it's just really knocking you down?

Maybe just maybe God is bringing it to your attention for a reason. Maybe He is working as you struggle. Are you going to open up and let Him work or keep struggling with a weakness that He tells us He can use to work trough you...?

As scary as it is, let go and let Him work.


-B

Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

It's the 4th day of the 2013 New Year...
Gosh! I haven't written all year! ha! 
Big changes means a lot of road blocks, traffic jams, flat tires, car trouble, and red lights going on in my head. Things are finally starting to slow down and clear up.

So far these past couple days of the New Year, and the last few weeks wrapping up 2012, I have a lot of time to think and reflect over all of the things that happened in 2012 and all the things that are happening now and all of the things that will be happening. 

"Look back and thank God.

Look forward and trust God.

Look around and serve God.

Look within and find God." 

That is the quote on the lock screen of my lovely little iPhone. 
Sometimes we get caught up in everything going around that we lose sight of the one thing that never changes, never leaves us, never gives up on us no matter who we are or what we have become where we have been or what we have done. 
I fall victim of it all of the time. 

the other day I tweeted (@brookenicole91 if you're a tweeter too)
"It's so easy to forget to thank God when things are bad, and see His guidance when things are good."

& it is true. We get so caught up in the why...
why are things bad?
why am I going through this?
why do I feel this way?
why is this happening?
why...
and we lose our trust. 
we get so caught up in our own thoughts and our own wants that we sometimes think God is being silent because "we are doing what He wants us to" because things are good or are falling into place for us, when really... we just aren't seeking Him. We aren't asking for His guidance or His strength or His will to be done because we manipulate who God is. If we are happy and things are what we want, we tend to think that is what God wants for us too.

Regardless of our situation, we try to close the door on God. We forget the door to God is always revolving and can't ever be shut. 

Since it's the new year, there are resolutions... what are you going to try to do different this year.. how can you be a better you this year... or how can you make this year the best yet...

that's why I have the quote I do on my lock screen. 
Sometimes I want to be, and need to be, constantly reminded to "Look back and thank God. Look forward and trust God. Look around and serve God. Look within and find God." 

I don't want to tune God out when I'm happy, or shut him out when I am in a struggle.
He knows what He is doing and all things work together for my good. 

He is the only thing that will never leave us. He always wants what is best for us. He is the only light in the middle of the darkness. He is the strength when we are weak. He is the breath of air when we feel like we are drowning. He is the only thing that stays the same while all others are constantly changing...

So what are you choosing to do with you 2013 year... I know what I struggle with and what I need to do to stop trying and struggling to close that revolving door.. 

look back, look forward, look around, look within; thank, trust, serve, and find God, He is always there. 

-B

Proverbs 16:3 Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

Happy Monday and hello all!

It's been an awful long time since I've spent time with this screen. (aka where I type/format this here blog)

As majority of you know, I stay crazy busy. I usually don't have a lot of time to sit down unless I'm sitting during class and grading papers or working on assignments for the 105 8th grade students I spend my days with now. I have been wanting to write, I just haven't really had much to say. I always have a lot on my mind but just getting them out into words is the hard part. 

"Your heart can't catch up to your performance, but your performance can catch up to your heart."

Sometimes we put on a show. Sometimes we act like we have it all together but we really don't. Sometimes we get things all figured out and planned out, and we go to act on them... but we haven't really considered God for any of it. We haven't checked to make sure our hearts are in the right place. 

If we seek God first, and commit to Him, He will establish our plans. He will line things up for us. 

Sometimes we do things for the wrong reasons. We get hurt, we get wronged, we get confused, and we think that God has just left us hanging and so from here on out we make our own decisions. 

I've done it. Many of you have done it. 

Whether we admit it or not, a lot of the time we do things for the wrong reasons... we put on a show and our performance and our heart aren't in the same place. 

Something I plan on trying, from here on out, is to really seek God in all I do. I want to check in with the Big Man up stairs before I start making decisions and the control freak (that I try to hide) tries to seep out. 

I want to make sure I am searching HIS will for me and my life. I want to follow and lead Him lead. 

take a second today, just think about some of the decisions you have made and are making and see if it was you making that decision or something God was leading you to do... are you doing things for the right reasons or because you feel like you have lost control and you are trying to take back the driver's seat...

Psalm 48:14 (NIV) For this God is our God for ever and ever; He will be our guide even to the end.

(I LOVE this song. I thought about it a lot today and on my ride home. Thought about it when I thought about blogging and crazy enough.. it started playing right as I started to write... so of course it had to be the tune of choice for this post.)

hello all.
It's been quite a while since I've written. 
I'm really not 100% sure who reads this, or why. I tend to get some feedback. Sometimes I hear what people think.
But I really write for me.
I don't know why I write, but I do. 

So it's October 12th now (because it's well after midnight). So it is officially Friday.. so Happy Friday Y'all.

there really is no point behind this post... I am just writing... I have been thinking A LOT today and it is just good to write..
thinking too much, Bad.
writing, Good. 
PLUS, I thought driving home "I think I will write a blog.. Ill go get my computer out of the kitchen and write..." and my computer was already on my bed when I walked into my room.. so of course I had to write now. That was a cleaaarrr sign.

I just love when there are certain things that you are thinking... asking.. questioning... wondering... and you get a clear YES or NO answer. 
I love it when that happens.
You know how often that happens... ummm rarely! ha but it is a blessing regardless.

I have been wondering what to do, like the "what's next?"

For all of you that don't know I have TWO weeks of College classes left. EVER. (hopefully) and then it is internships until I graduate. 5 weeks in mountain city TN and then I. MOVE. HOME. 
...is this real life? Is college life REALLY almost over..?
YES.
Yes it is.


I have been wondering if I am supposed to stay around Hendersonville.. and I have been up and down, up and down, up and down about it.. but this fall break has given me a clear YES. This is where I am supposed to be and I will be here (in 7 weeks) until God leads me somewhere else.

I have been wondering if I am going to be a good teacher.. or if I even should be a teacher.. and this week I have gotten a clear yes on that too (so lets see if that changes after my internships haha). I just feel like I can make such a difference in the lives of young kids...

there are still a few other things that I am waiting on answers for.. that I've been praying about.. 
I want to know now... and I hate waiting... But all good things take time right? and all things work out for the good for those who love and follow God, right? So I need to take a breather, sit back in the saddle and let God lead me on. 

There are just some things I want to badly to close doors on and I can't. Or I want doors to be opened and they aren't. & I am just wondering where my Phil's-osophy is for all this (ps-Modern Family joke.. if you don't know what that is.. you are missing out.) 

Time has flown by so so fast.
in 21 years, I've been through a lot.
in 21 years, I have created such a hard exterior.
in 21 years, I have not let people see my heart.
it took 21 years, but I am learning to not be so hard.
it took 21 years, but I am learning to let people see my heart.
it took 21 years, but I am learning to love and understand what that word means.

God can't heal you if you aren't first broken.
God can't fill you up if you aren't first emptied. 
God can't lead you if you aren't first lost.


God is in TOTAL control, so LET HIM BE IN CONTROL. Stop fighting against Him. Stop doubting Him or questioning Him.
...He's got this. 

whether we get a YES or a NO or no answer at all, or no answer right that moment.. it is OKAY. 
God. Is. In. Control. 

(and I am listening to another song and I will put it here because I think it belongs)



much love to all
(those who do read this, I ask that you pray (or continue to pray) for me. I am up to my eyeballs in a kabillion different activities right now)

-B

Deuteronomy 31:6b "He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

The perfect song for this blog & one of my all time favorites. One I would suggest REALLY listening to the lyrics. (AND I got to see this song performed live & loved it! and sorry for the ads)


It has been a few weeks since I've written anything.. 20 days exactly I'm pretty sure...

A lot of us struggle with a thing called pride. 
I love to write, but about good things. It is a lot harder to write about the bad things & the struggles and when I am lost, and low, and confused, and broken. 
I'm going to do it though.

I have come a long way, and am proud of who God is creating me to be.
I am not the same person I was two months ago.
I am not the same person I was two weeks ago.
I am not the same person I was two days ago.
I am not the same person I was two hours ago.

Life is ever changing, and God is always working in our lives.

I came to the realization today that sometimes I just suck.
yeah I said it, I suck.
there really isn't a better word for it. 
I could list all the times I've messed up, wronged somebody, or just stumbled.. but it's just easier to say I suck. 

I carry so much on my plate that I neglect relationships. 
I know I am not always the best friend, sister, daughter, student, daughter of Christ... & I know I can't fix that but I can move past it, ask for forgiveness and start fresh.


Even when I feel like I suck the most or I have royally screwed it up, those that love us forgive us. 
God forgives us. He loves us no matter how much we have screwed up. No matter how many times we have wronged Him, He always loves us anyways. Just as the song says. 
Now don't get me wrong, that doesn't give you permission to use and abuse God or any others in your life because if they love us it will be okay, if God loves us no matter what it will be okay. It won't.

Sometimes I feel so broken, lost, confused, hurt, emotional.. and a kabillion and fifteen other things... 
It's okay to be weak. That I believe is God's way of showing me that we need Him. That I need Him. 

We are human, therefore we are not perfect. That means we will struggle, screw up and just flat out suck at times. It's okay to admit it. I just did, multiple times.

I've been struggling a lot lately with letting God take control and lead me and trust in Him. That isn't fair to Him. I am not being the best daughter of the King when I do that. It happens though. I feel bad after. Just as bad as I feel for not being the best friend I can be, the best sister, or the best daughter. 

It's just time that I really focus on those relationships too and not neglect them. I carry so much on my plate but that is no excuse to be neglectful. 
It's time for me to put my big girl pants on & make things right & better from here on.



"To worry is to doubt God."

I trust that God uses these times to open my eyes. To help me grow. To make me and mold me into who He has created me to be. 

Today has been one of the craziest and one of the best days. 
Thankful for what God is doing in my life. 
Thankful that He loves us no matter what, even when we don't love ourselves or times in our life. Even when we try to turn from Him or take things into our own hands... He loves us anyway. He loves me anyway.

I know what my problems are and it's time to fix them. 
I ask for those of you that read this blog (this very scattered rambling post) to pray for me. After you read this, when you think about me, anytime.
Pray for me.


No more sucking.
No more doubting God.

"let the past make you better, not bitter." 

goodnight y'all.
-B