Proverbs 16:3 Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

Happy Monday and hello all!

It's been an awful long time since I've spent time with this screen. (aka where I type/format this here blog)

As majority of you know, I stay crazy busy. I usually don't have a lot of time to sit down unless I'm sitting during class and grading papers or working on assignments for the 105 8th grade students I spend my days with now. I have been wanting to write, I just haven't really had much to say. I always have a lot on my mind but just getting them out into words is the hard part. 

"Your heart can't catch up to your performance, but your performance can catch up to your heart."

Sometimes we put on a show. Sometimes we act like we have it all together but we really don't. Sometimes we get things all figured out and planned out, and we go to act on them... but we haven't really considered God for any of it. We haven't checked to make sure our hearts are in the right place. 

If we seek God first, and commit to Him, He will establish our plans. He will line things up for us. 

Sometimes we do things for the wrong reasons. We get hurt, we get wronged, we get confused, and we think that God has just left us hanging and so from here on out we make our own decisions. 

I've done it. Many of you have done it. 

Whether we admit it or not, a lot of the time we do things for the wrong reasons... we put on a show and our performance and our heart aren't in the same place. 

Something I plan on trying, from here on out, is to really seek God in all I do. I want to check in with the Big Man up stairs before I start making decisions and the control freak (that I try to hide) tries to seep out. 

I want to make sure I am searching HIS will for me and my life. I want to follow and lead Him lead. 

take a second today, just think about some of the decisions you have made and are making and see if it was you making that decision or something God was leading you to do... are you doing things for the right reasons or because you feel like you have lost control and you are trying to take back the driver's seat...

Psalm 48:14 (NIV) For this God is our God for ever and ever; He will be our guide even to the end.

(I LOVE this song. I thought about it a lot today and on my ride home. Thought about it when I thought about blogging and crazy enough.. it started playing right as I started to write... so of course it had to be the tune of choice for this post.)

hello all.
It's been quite a while since I've written. 
I'm really not 100% sure who reads this, or why. I tend to get some feedback. Sometimes I hear what people think.
But I really write for me.
I don't know why I write, but I do. 

So it's October 12th now (because it's well after midnight). So it is officially Friday.. so Happy Friday Y'all.

there really is no point behind this post... I am just writing... I have been thinking A LOT today and it is just good to write..
thinking too much, Bad.
writing, Good. 
PLUS, I thought driving home "I think I will write a blog.. Ill go get my computer out of the kitchen and write..." and my computer was already on my bed when I walked into my room.. so of course I had to write now. That was a cleaaarrr sign.

I just love when there are certain things that you are thinking... asking.. questioning... wondering... and you get a clear YES or NO answer. 
I love it when that happens.
You know how often that happens... ummm rarely! ha but it is a blessing regardless.

I have been wondering what to do, like the "what's next?"

For all of you that don't know I have TWO weeks of College classes left. EVER. (hopefully) and then it is internships until I graduate. 5 weeks in mountain city TN and then I. MOVE. HOME. 
...is this real life? Is college life REALLY almost over..?
YES.
Yes it is.


I have been wondering if I am supposed to stay around Hendersonville.. and I have been up and down, up and down, up and down about it.. but this fall break has given me a clear YES. This is where I am supposed to be and I will be here (in 7 weeks) until God leads me somewhere else.

I have been wondering if I am going to be a good teacher.. or if I even should be a teacher.. and this week I have gotten a clear yes on that too (so lets see if that changes after my internships haha). I just feel like I can make such a difference in the lives of young kids...

there are still a few other things that I am waiting on answers for.. that I've been praying about.. 
I want to know now... and I hate waiting... But all good things take time right? and all things work out for the good for those who love and follow God, right? So I need to take a breather, sit back in the saddle and let God lead me on. 

There are just some things I want to badly to close doors on and I can't. Or I want doors to be opened and they aren't. & I am just wondering where my Phil's-osophy is for all this (ps-Modern Family joke.. if you don't know what that is.. you are missing out.) 

Time has flown by so so fast.
in 21 years, I've been through a lot.
in 21 years, I have created such a hard exterior.
in 21 years, I have not let people see my heart.
it took 21 years, but I am learning to not be so hard.
it took 21 years, but I am learning to let people see my heart.
it took 21 years, but I am learning to love and understand what that word means.

God can't heal you if you aren't first broken.
God can't fill you up if you aren't first emptied. 
God can't lead you if you aren't first lost.


God is in TOTAL control, so LET HIM BE IN CONTROL. Stop fighting against Him. Stop doubting Him or questioning Him.
...He's got this. 

whether we get a YES or a NO or no answer at all, or no answer right that moment.. it is OKAY. 
God. Is. In. Control. 

(and I am listening to another song and I will put it here because I think it belongs)



much love to all
(those who do read this, I ask that you pray (or continue to pray) for me. I am up to my eyeballs in a kabillion different activities right now)

-B

Deuteronomy 31:6b "He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

The perfect song for this blog & one of my all time favorites. One I would suggest REALLY listening to the lyrics. (AND I got to see this song performed live & loved it! and sorry for the ads)


It has been a few weeks since I've written anything.. 20 days exactly I'm pretty sure...

A lot of us struggle with a thing called pride. 
I love to write, but about good things. It is a lot harder to write about the bad things & the struggles and when I am lost, and low, and confused, and broken. 
I'm going to do it though.

I have come a long way, and am proud of who God is creating me to be.
I am not the same person I was two months ago.
I am not the same person I was two weeks ago.
I am not the same person I was two days ago.
I am not the same person I was two hours ago.

Life is ever changing, and God is always working in our lives.

I came to the realization today that sometimes I just suck.
yeah I said it, I suck.
there really isn't a better word for it. 
I could list all the times I've messed up, wronged somebody, or just stumbled.. but it's just easier to say I suck. 

I carry so much on my plate that I neglect relationships. 
I know I am not always the best friend, sister, daughter, student, daughter of Christ... & I know I can't fix that but I can move past it, ask for forgiveness and start fresh.


Even when I feel like I suck the most or I have royally screwed it up, those that love us forgive us. 
God forgives us. He loves us no matter how much we have screwed up. No matter how many times we have wronged Him, He always loves us anyways. Just as the song says. 
Now don't get me wrong, that doesn't give you permission to use and abuse God or any others in your life because if they love us it will be okay, if God loves us no matter what it will be okay. It won't.

Sometimes I feel so broken, lost, confused, hurt, emotional.. and a kabillion and fifteen other things... 
It's okay to be weak. That I believe is God's way of showing me that we need Him. That I need Him. 

We are human, therefore we are not perfect. That means we will struggle, screw up and just flat out suck at times. It's okay to admit it. I just did, multiple times.

I've been struggling a lot lately with letting God take control and lead me and trust in Him. That isn't fair to Him. I am not being the best daughter of the King when I do that. It happens though. I feel bad after. Just as bad as I feel for not being the best friend I can be, the best sister, or the best daughter. 

It's just time that I really focus on those relationships too and not neglect them. I carry so much on my plate but that is no excuse to be neglectful. 
It's time for me to put my big girl pants on & make things right & better from here on.



"To worry is to doubt God."

I trust that God uses these times to open my eyes. To help me grow. To make me and mold me into who He has created me to be. 

Today has been one of the craziest and one of the best days. 
Thankful for what God is doing in my life. 
Thankful that He loves us no matter what, even when we don't love ourselves or times in our life. Even when we try to turn from Him or take things into our own hands... He loves us anyway. He loves me anyway.

I know what my problems are and it's time to fix them. 
I ask for those of you that read this blog (this very scattered rambling post) to pray for me. After you read this, when you think about me, anytime.
Pray for me.


No more sucking.
No more doubting God.

"let the past make you better, not bitter." 

goodnight y'all.
-B

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

(since I am about to begin another year of life, my new year, I feel like this song is super fitting for this post)

This is my first September post. It's the 3rd, which means tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 21 tomorrow. So today is my birthday eve (yes I acknowledge my birthday eve.. if you don't, you are missing out.)

Usually on my birthday eve I do some reflecting. Just looking past over the last year.. I like to look at changes.. see how far I have come... see what events have happened.. see who has walked into my life and who has walked out.

I am pretty content with this past year. I have come a long way and am not what I used to be. I am happy with who I am and who I am becoming.

I have learned that it is so important to foster who you are. No two people were created the same so it seems completely insane to compare two unalike products. We may be similar but we are totally different. Each one of us was hand crafted for a special purpose and to be a special child of God. Too often we get caught up in trying to be like others, and we compare ourselves to those all around us when really we need to take a step back and realize that it is okay to be who we are. We need to foster who we are. I am learning that more and more. I love who I am. I know I am not the cookie cutter 21 year old college girl and I am beyond okay with that. I use to not be. I felt like I had to have everybody's approval and I DON'T. We only have to answer to God. We only have to do our works for Him. We only have to seek HIS approval and no one else's. We get so caught up in the flesh and the worldly things that we forget that. We forget that God made us who we are for a reason. There will always be people who have something to say about you and there will always be people who will try to change you. There will be people who don't like what you do or how you act because it isn't the same way they do things or you view things differently. But you know what that's ok! We don't have to have their approval.

God & Myself.
That's who I do stuff for.

If I want to wear camo shoes, pearls, a pink shirt, and pull my hair back.. I can. (even though we all know I don't wear pearls or pink.. I'm saying if I want to do it, I can and I will.)

I wear make up. Sometimes I wear jewelry. I drive a truck. I have a system in my truck. I love camo stuff. My favorite color is camo. I own high heels. I own Chippewas. I have 5 pairs of cowboy boots. I have 3 pairs of high heeled boots. I have dresses. I have overalls. I have a gun. I have a hunting game. I love football. I watch Gunsmoke. Some days I like to take time to get ready. Some days I get ready in 10 minutes. I listen to Christian music of the contemporary, rap, rock, and pop variety. I like rap, country, and pop music. I love to fish. I love to go shopping. I am unorganized. I love anything science, bugs, clouds, experiments. I love Jesus, and am not afraid to let you know where I stand. I am loud. I like to goof off. I like to make things and be crafty. I like doing hair and make-up for others. I don't like being a student. I can't wait to be a teacher. I love working with kids. I am not the most patient person. Sometimes I can get a temper. Sometimes I have an attitude. I usually say what is on my mind. I have trouble saying no. I like to help others any way I can. I am a procrastinator. I love to sleep. I love my family. I love to worship.

If I keep thinking, I could make that list even longer than it is. Those things make me who I am. People aren't always going to like all those qualities, or all those things.. but like I said who cares? I am who I am and I am proud of it. As this year comes to a close for me and I begin a new one tomorrow, I am going to always foster who I am. I will be proud if who God has created me to be. I don't work, serve, or answer to anybody but my Heavenly Father. & I pray for this next year that He gives me the strength and the courage and the confidence to stand up for who I am, be proud of who I am, and not give into the worldly views.

in the midst of all the madness, all we need is God. He is enough.
I am thankful that I am given another day. I am thankful I am making it to another birthday. I am thankful God never stops working through me and using me. I am thankful God is enough.

Let His will be done. Not that of my own. 
& all that starts will fostering who He has created me to be, and how He has made me.

& on a cool note. I am going to start reading the plan where you read the Bible in a year. I am excited to do that study along with the others I have going on.

Thankful for God's grace
Thankful for God's blessings
Thankful God teaches me things every day and I am continually growing in my walk with Him.
Thankful for all the people God has put in my life over this past year & ready to see where He leads me from here.


Let His will be done.


-B

1 Chronicles 23:30 stand every morning to thank and praise the Lord, and likewise at evening

Happy last day of August & Happy Friday!

I never have intentions to write. I never wake up saying "hmm, lets post a blog" or anything along those lines. I usually think of something to write about how God works in my life, and I think "hey I'm going to put this in my Facebook.... nope, it'll end up being too long. Guess I'll blog it out right before I need to be walking out the door."

& that my friends is how that cookie crumbles.

Okay, so doing my usually morning routine (Coffee, Facebook, Pinterest, Social Media, Social Media, Social Media, whichever and whatever they may be. Sometimes they vary each morning and the order does as well. Coffee is always there though.) I came across something on Facebook that just made me a little bit confused. Confused is good though sometimes. Sometimes we aren't supposed to know everything. That's how God keeps us on our toes. He is not boring by any means and He looooves to change the rules up mid game. I would know. He plays the switcharoo on me a lot.

 But anyways, sometimes we get so caught up in what we want, we forget about what is best for us. We also get so caught up in what we want that it becomes such a distraction from God. It becomes an idol. We turn our backs on God and focus on that "want". I don't call it a need, because if indeed it were a need, it would be given to us from God and we would never take our eyes off Him. God will cut you off mid path and slam a door right in your face if He sees something is distracting you from Him, or you are going a way He doesn't see fit. 

I am so thankful to have a Heavenly Father who only wants what is best for me, and for you too of course. I am thankful He closes those doors, changes rules mid game, and cuts me off mid path. I want to be focused solely on Him. Let any distractions in my life be gone. I will turn my back on the worldly things to keep my eyes focused on God. 

Just keep this in mind...
Things aren't going to always go how we planned. You know why? God doesn't like for us to try and plan things. Don't try to take His job, y'all. It isn't our place. There are a reason those things you wanted you didn't get.. there is a reason why those things were wants and not needs... doors get closed so better ones can be opened. Trust God knows what is best. Trust God has the best plans in store for you. Just be patient. 

I am thankful God is leading me. I am thankful I will follow no matter what. I am thankful for all those who pray for me. I am thankful for all those God lets me reach through my writings.

If God is trying to close a door in your life, don't stick your foot in the door.. don't try to wedge the door back open... don't try to keep Him from closing it. Let go and let God. He knows what He is doing, so let Him do His thing!

 

-B