Saying Yes, but Meaning No

Had an awesome opportunity to link up with a friend and do a guest post on the call we get to follow Jesus, and the excuses we make to avoid saying yes. Click the link (or picture) below to head over to Crucified Life and read it.

Crucified Life

Live Abundantly

One life to love.

It sounds pretty self explanatory if you think about it, but for me, my heart, and my passions, it so much more.

One life to love.

You have one life. 

If you have a today, you have a yesterday.

If you have a yesterday, you have a past.

Life is full of a past with no promise of a future, but an ever present present. 

Life is full of wrongs, rights, memories, heartache, joy, love, chaos, grace, pain, growth, change, and yesterdays. 

You get one life. No do overs. You get grace, and second chances through grace, but no do overs.

I will say it again, if you have a today you have a yesterday. 

If you have a yesterday,  you have a past.


Whenever the word "past" is mentioned more often than not it hits a tender spot in the heart. It carries a negative connotation. I hate that. I hate that so many, both men and women, cling to their past with white knuckles and a grimace, afraid to let anybody see it. 

From the deepest part of my heart, I do not want that to be as true as it is.

God tells us through scripture that He has come to give us life that we may have it abundantly (John 10:10). 

Not once in that verse or throughout scripture does it say, 

"you get to have an abundant life if you keep your past a secret"
"you get to have an abundant life if you never make a bad decision"
"you get to have an abundant life if you have a past"

In your one life, the one life you were given to love, you get to life it abundantly because of the gospel. Because of The Messiah, you are free to claim that abundant life. 

You get to make some choices in that life and some choices are made for you.

But, this choice is yours and only yours. 

You have to choose to claim grace, and claim the forgiveness for your past (all the good, the bad, and the ugly) 

You have to choose to let that past (you know the one you white knuckle and try to hide from every one to see) refine you and not define you. 


You have been given one life to love; you can either let that past define you or refine you, but you get to choose.


If nothing from the jumbled mess that is the overflow of my heart, take this with you. 

I will say this again You have been given one life to love; you can either let that past define you or refine you, but you get to choose.






My prayer for you is that you will choose to live life on purpose. That you will have abundant life. That you will  come to point where yesterday will stay yesterday, tomorrow will be tomorrow, and your today will be your only focus. That you will let your yesterday make you better, and you will come to truly love the one life you have been given. 

How different would your life be if you chose to live life on purpose?

What is keeping you from making that choice to claim abundant life? 

praying for your man

If I am being real honest, I don't always think before I speak. I also don't think about how my words will be taken. If they are welcomed, or even wanted, but sometimes I just speak what I think. More often than not, I have to regrettably admit that when I speak it is often a nag, or a passive aggressive (sometimes just plain aggressive) comment on something that needs to be fixed, or pointing out something I don't like. I can be quick to be ugly and to speak off raw emotion. Not thinking before speaking. 

I can be honest and tell you those don't turn out to be the most beneficial moments for my relationship, or my man.

Luke 6:45 says For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

That is a heart check for me. If my mouth speaks discouraging remarks, what is my heart full of?

A favorite way for me to realign my heart and my mind is prayer. 

What would  my heart be full of if I am praying intentionally for my man? What would my words look like if my heart is full because I am praying for my man?

I love to pray specific intentional prayers when I pray. So I began a search to find some great prayers. Most of what I found when I searched was praying for your husband and praying for your future husband. 

I think that is great, but it made me start to think. What about just praying for your man no matter what the stage of your relationship was? Praying for a man as your future husband when you are just barely getting to know each other, or are just in the early stages of dating, seems like it won't be great for your heart and mind. We as women get ideas in our minds and sometimes run with them. I don't want to discourage you if you are praying for your man as your future husband, but I will say that it may warp your mindset. You may begin to believe that The Lord provided that man as your future spouse and be praying for such, when that may not be how The Lord has planned it. This can in the end not be great for your mind, emotions, and heart.

 Praying for your man is great, but we need to have the right motives and mindset. 

What about just praying for your man, just for your man? Placing yourself, your wants, and your desires aside, and just pray with the motive that The Lord would move in his life and bless him. 

I wanted to provide you with some great intentional specific prayers for your man. Prayers you can pray no matter if you are just getting to know each other, or if you have been married for 50 years. Whether you are like me and you don't think before you speak and sometimes say not so great things to your man, or you always think and only say encouraging words (bless you if that's you, awesome self control!) These are some great prayers for your man. 

(these were taken from prayer guides given to me over the years that I have taken and made my own)

As _____ faces another day of challenges, reveal your deep love to him. Cast out all his fears, worries, and doubts. May your peace that surpasses all understanding rule in his heart.

         

   Thank you for daily bearing _______ burdens. Remind him that you uphold him physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Refresh him constantly with a sense of your presence, strength, and peace.

    

       Lord, remind _____ of your deep and personal knowledge of him and assure him that he can pour out his heart honestly to you. May his walk with you be a true intimate connection that helps strengthen his spirit. Reveal yourself to him so that he can know and worship you as you are.

   

  Thank you that you live in and reveal truth to __________. Thank you for letting him be sensitive to your call and lead on his life. Teach him to live in your power, motivated and filled by your spirit. May he stain step with your spirit, listening to your voice and following your lead. Spirit lead.

          Lord show _____ how valuable he is to you. May he know where his truth worth and value comes from.

      

        Cultivate in _____ a diligence and desire to do his best for you, Lord. Establish the works of his hands and grant him success. I pray you close and open doors that direct him into roles best suited for his gifts, talents, personality, and calling.

       

       Lord as _____ prepares one day to be the leaders of his home as you have called him, help him to serve you and not money. Enable him to rest in your provision.

      

         Strengthen _____ with faith and patience in the difficulties he faces. Assure him that you are with him and are working all things together for good.

        

               Lord protect _____ from temptations he faces today, especially concerning _______ teach him to guard what enters his mind and heart and to stay focused on you, resisting the enemy by faith.

        

          Satan would try and twist ______ God given desire for sex into something ugly. Prompt him to turn to you for safety and freedom from lust, sexual temptations, and inappropriate relationships. Let him find acceptance, security, and satisfaction in you with within the context of his future marriage.

        

          Thank you Father for leading ______ as he interacts with and leads others today and at home, work and in the community. Enable him to set a good example for and love those under his care. Keep shaping him into the leader you have called him and created him to be.

        

         

     Lord give _____ the courage to share his innermost thoughts and feelings with me. Grant me the grace and patience to listen with acceptance and to share honestly with him.

     

       Bring ______ friends with who he can share his joys and his struggles. Friends who speak boldly with him and remind him of your love and power. Show him how to be a good friend in return.

  

        Give ____ courage and opportunities to share your love with others in words and in actions. When people frustrate him, help him to respond calmly in humility and peace. When he sins against others or is sinned against, guide him to ask and grant forgiveness. May those who interact with him see You in him.

      

  Keep ____ safe and healthy. Teach him to care for his body.

   

            Father, show _______ his true purpose for living, especially in areas that seem stale and lacking.  May Paul’s claim to live as Christ always be true for him. Continue to open and close doors that lead him to his calling.

         

(the following are a little more couple specific) 

     Lord on his own ______ cannot fulfill your desire for him to love me as you love the Church. But you are love and you live in him. Teach him us how to love like you have loved us.

      

           Teach us how to address things that hinder our relationship and help us work through our differences with compassion and gentleness. Enable us to rejoice and encourage each other as well.

        

      Let us always treat each other with the utmost respect. Help us speak truth in love by honestly and openly sharing our thoughts and feelings with each other. Deliver us from jealousy, pride, rudeness, selfishness, and thoughtlessness. Grant us a love that always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres.

        

       

           Heal the emotional wounds that threaten to create strife in our relationship. May we lay them broken at the foot of the cross. Make us sensitive to each other’s needs and enable us to ministry to one another in areas of hurt. Burden us to continually and intentionally pray for each other.

      

         Give us hearts to seek and serve you above all else. May our first and original relationship with you not suffer. May we grow our individual relationship with you so our relationship together will grow stronger.

        

   Thank you that you know our needs before we even know what we need. Train us to be content in whatever state we are in and make us good stewards of what you have entrusted to us. May we be patient with you and each other during the tough times.

         

 Guide us and teach us to fully obey your word. Help us to build our lives as individuals and relationships on your truth. 

Here are some more other great ones that I have pulled from this awesome blog Love Her Wild  

( https://loveherwild.wordpress.com/2015/02/26/a-prayer-for-my-future-husband/ )

I pray that he is a prayer warrior, & not a worrier.

I pray that he is brave like Jonathan.

I pray that he leads with grace and love.

I pray that he obeys God like Abraham.

I pray that his love for Christ is so strong that is radiates through every crevice of his being.

I didn't number them but if you were keeping count (or just wanted to know) there are 28 specific prayers listed. 

How great would it be if you even just took 1 a day and prayed these for your man for 28 days?

 How different would our conversations look?

 How different would our relationships look? 

How rewarding would it be to see The Lord working in his life as you are praying for him?

So I challenge you, whether you are in the getting to know each other stage, a new couple, been dating for years, courting, engaged, or married, start today and take the next 28 days to pray specifically for your man.  Whatever that may look like for you, take these and make them your own. Feel free to add and to take away. Maybe you have a friend (or two) you can share this with and together you can be praying for your men.

I pray that The Lord blesses you these next 28 days. 

Single, Christian, and the Tinder App

So, Tinder... I know people who have used it and people who have tried to convince me to do it. I have heard about it, and I have even heard of girls in the Church using it. So instead of forming a full opinion without trying it, yesterday at breakfast I downloaded the app and created a profile. 


For the record it took me less than 24 hours to form an opinion of the app, and I felt gross even having the app on my phone.

So here are my thoughts, ideas, and opinions on being single, Christian, and using the ever popular Tinder app.

To be clear, this is not an online dating review this is simply a Tinder review, and Tinder is not online dating. If you are offended, I am not sorry. I am using scripture to prove the errors. 

For those of you who don't know what Tinder is what an online Marie Claire article says

"It's an online dating app. When it first came on the scene, it was used more as a hook-up/casual sex app because it finds you potential matches based on their proximity to you. 

How does this Tinder app work then?

It's really very simple and easy. It finds your location using GPS, then uses your Facebook information to create your profile (don't worry, nothing about Tinder will ever be posted to Facebook). A Tinder profile is made up only of your first name, age, photos (of your choice) and any pages you've 'liked' on Facebook. 

Tinder then finds you potential matches near you (you can narrow it down by searching by age and distance) and if they take your fancy, you swipe right to 'like' them. If not, go left to 'pass'. If they’ve also 'liked' you – bingo. It’s a match and you can start messaging."

Read more at http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/blogs/543941/tinder-the-online-dating-app-that-everyone-s-talking-about.html#y5Wdg4cax7xrMbYQ.99

Basically, you get to look through people who have "liked" the same sort of stuff on Facebook, are within a certain age range you choose, and within a certain mileage from where you are currently.

and you are making that decision solely based on what the person looks like and what they type in their 500 character bio. 

HELLO judging a book by its cover!

The whole time I was using this all I could think of was what 1 Samuel 16:7 says

"The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

So for my Christian friends, here is error number 1 in the Tinder game. You are solely judging a person by outward appearance and what (usually really stupid stuff) they type in their bio. 

I feel like some people don't even look at the Bio, they just look at picture. For those of you who have never played the Tinder game, here is a screen shot of my profile/bio for you to see. I included some basic details, and the exact reason why I had a Tinder profile. Only about 2 guys picked up on that and message me hoping to give some positive to the Tinder negatives. 

As you scroll through these people Tinder has matched up for you after seeing their profile you swipe right for like, left for "nope"  If you swipe right and they swipe right you get a match. Here is what that looks like

You see you get 3 options.

1 - Send them a message (which can ONLY happen if you get a match, random people you do not say yes to cannot message you)
2 - Keep playing
3 - Tell your friends

error number 2 Tinder is just a game. Something to consume your time. You can argue, but it says right here "keep playing"

Ephesians 5:16 

Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.

If you are looking for something to consumer your time, I can think of some better ways. 

BUT back to what I learned from reading bios leads me to error number 3.

There are not a whole lot of OPEN Jesus loving people using Tinder. I swiped left A LOT and right some, just to see what would happen, so I went through a lot of guys. I found THREE guys who at least liked one of the Pastors/Christian Speakers I had liked on Facebook or had a Bible verse in their Bio or anything Jesus/Ministry related. Most of the profiles I saw had no bio written, or their bio said something along the lines of inappropriate stuff I won't even repeat. 

here is some scripture to help you see where I might be headed with this next error I found.

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

1 Corinthians 15:33 

Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Error number 3 in the Tinder game, you are diving into a pool of what I would perceived to be non believers. I could be totally wrong but asking for dirty pictures, hook ups, and saying good beer and mary jane is your best friend just doesn't scream "I love Jesus." 

Not only do I have those great bios to base my opinion, but this message from a guy a friend of mine was supposed to actually meet for coffee admitted it for us. (forgive the language here) 

not to mention he stood her up. So if you are single, Christian, and considering using the Tinder app. 

DO NOT DO IT. You can argue that it is what you make it, and that is true but go back and read all the errors again. If you still feel like trying to convince me, then go for it. There are some guys that are not terribly gross, and some that were polite, but anybody can be Prince Charming behind the computer (or iphone) screen. 

If you do, you might get a message like this I don't know about you, but this definitely doesn't make me swoon. 

and to my Franklin friends if you are wondering about the Tinder scene up here, rest easy this is where you are in the game

so thankful to say goodbye to that little flame icon. 

10 things to stop saying to singles, now.

This past Sunday my Pastor, Bruce Frank, started a new series on relationships called iVow.

(click image or linked here - http://www.biltmorebaptist.tv/media/ivow/ )

That, coming across Matt Chandlers "Beautiful Design" series and some interesting interactions lately have really had my mind working overtime. 

When it comes to relationships, that can be a touchy subject for those married and single. I know this because I myself am single, and I am surrounded by single and married friends. 

From the single perspective, both singles in the church and outside of the church are all having a similar struggle. Our married friends and family, both older and younger, just aren't quite sure what to say to singles. Majority of the things they have said are not beneficial. 

So for the sake of singles everywhere, I have talked to some single friends of mine and together we have gathered a list of things for you to please stop saying to singles.

1. Why are you still single?

don't ask us why. it is not a math problem, we can't explain it to you. we don't know why either, but guess what, now you have made us wonder why and what could be so wrong with us. 

2. I can't believe that you are still single!

this is not beneficial. you may mean it as a compliment but trust me, it is not. 

3. I feel sorry for girls like you, no good guys left. 

another "you may mean well but it didn't come out too nicely" phrase. singleness is not a sickness, and we do not need you to pity us. 

4. I have the perfect person for you.

every single married person out there has the "perfect person" for their single friends. somebody always wants to set us up. and 9 times out of 10 it becomes a "is that really what you think of me" situation when we meet your "perfect person." unless you can really pull through, please stop trying to set us up. 

5. If you don't stop doing (whatever the thing may be) you will never get married.

we all have our weird quirks. even if you are married you've got them. if we are not doing anything illegal or unbiblical, then please stop telling us that if we have one said quirk that will keep us from finding somebody. nobody's perfect. 

6. Just date Jesus

you don't date Jesus. dating ends, so you are indicating we should not have a consistent, real relationship with Christ. 


7. You don't need to take a break from dating, what if you miss an opportunity? 

"God’s plan is all-inclusive. It is based on God’s omniscience (knowing all), so that everything past, present, and future is taken into account." (bible.org) there is nothing wrong with us taking some time to get our own affairs in order and to spend some time seeking only after Jesus. during our singleness God can use us in ways we can't be used otherwise. don't encourage singles to be afraid of missing an opportunity. 

(read more about God's perfect plan here https://bible.org/seriespage/2-god-s-perfect-plan )


8. It'll happen when you least expect it. 

news flash, we are single surrounded by married people everywhere and a world that constantly tells us we are less if we are alone, we are always expecting it. you may be trying to encourage us, but this is not one of those things that will. cliches are not encouraging. 



9. You will find somebody some day, it's coming.  

and last but not least, 

10. There is somebody out there looking for you right now. 

these last two are different yet so similar they basically go together. we love your heart on this one, we hope that somebody is our there looking for us too but we don't know that for sure. this too goes back to what we talked about before with God's perfect timing. nobody knows the plans for our lives but The Lord. 




Singles don't want to be pitied. Singleness is not a sickness or a punishment. We don't want you to feel sorry for us, we want you to love and encourage us. Encouraging us to use our time wisely, and to let The Lord use our time however He wants to. To stop looking on pinterest and making wedding plans, but use our time and efforts to make disciples. To take risks, try new things, and stop waiting to live our lives until find "the one." 

In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul tells us if we are unmarried he wants us to be free from anxieties because we are only to be anxious about the things of the Lord and how to please Him. 

So, if you find yourself talking with an unmarried friend (bitter or not so bitter, because there are definitely two sides of singleness) stay far away from the list above and encourage them with that nugget of truth, and the truth that Romans 8:28 tells us that God works all things together for our good, no matter what.