oh the joy of vulnerability

oh the joy of vulnerability

as hard as it may be to convey a tone in writing, I am hoping that you can pick up on my sarcastic tone in that statement.

Joy - a feeling of great pleasure and happiness

Vulnerability (or vulnerable) - susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm

A feeling of great pleasure and happiness of being susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

 Now are you picking up my sarcasm? Those two just don't go together. At least not in a great pleasurable and happy way.

Have you ever opened up about something, poured our your heart, feelings, thoughts, and emotions only to be met with indifference. Or the cold, hard sting of the words, actions, or feelings you hoped for to never come your way.

To come to that place where you are susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm? That place where you want to shut off, close down, and never even dream of tip-toeing around that word, vulnerability? 

You have? Me too. 

Lately I have learned there is however a lot of learning, growing, and character development in vulnerability. 

As a quiet, calm (I laugh even typing those two words to describe myself) woman with a strong spirit, vulnerability might as well be a four letter word that catches you off guard when you hear it from somebody else, or a pile of dirty laundry you know exists but avoid it at all costs. 

I don't think it's harder for women than men to be vulnerable, I believe it is an across the board issue.

However, doing some thinking, reading, praying, and researching and actually putting myself in those situations where I've had to be.... vulnerable  has really made me think about how things would be different in my relationships, my ministry, or my discipleship groups if I was more vulnerable.

There is something about being vulnerable that makes you flip. Once you open that bag of vulnerability the fear of man instantaneously flies in. Happened to me, just last night. I won't go into detail about what, why, or who with, but I will say that I had to come to a point where I had to calm it down and try to see the positive side of my vulnerability. Which in turn is why I am writing this post. 

Reading around, I found this quote about that which we avoid, vulnerability from a man named Patrick Lencioni, A man I have never heard of or know anything about. Yet a man who has a good way of seeing how vulnerability is a good thing which is what I am looking for. 

"Vulnerability. It is one of the most undervalued and misunderstood of all human qualities. Without the willingness to be vulnerable, we will not build deep  and lasting relationships in life. That's because there is no better way to earn a person's trust than by putting ourselves in a position  of unprotected weakness." 

I can't help but read that and think of vulnerability and think of Jesus. A man who didn't pretend, wasn't prideful, boastful, but was real. He was an easy to connect with, easy to follow, easy to love, easy to want to be like kind of man. A man who gave us the greatest most amazing things he could, all by being vulnerable. 

That alone takes the sting out of vulnerability. 

How deep and real were Jesus' relationships, ministry, and discipleship? 

I don't know about you, but if having relationships, ministry, and discipleship like Jesus means being a little more vulnerable, i'm in. 

I don't know what that vulnerability looks like in your life. You're probably thinking now you don't know what happened to me the last time I was vulnerable. How stupid it made me feel, how others looked at me... you don't know.  Friend you are correct but I can be vulnerable with you and tell you I've been there. I've kept feelings in and when I opened up about them it was a little too late. I've had to swallow my pride and admit I was wrong. I've had to sit down with a friend who is hurting and broken by something I am all too familiar with and open an old wound so I could meet her where she is all by saying, "you'e not alone, me too..." 

So I don't know what being vulnerable will look like or has looked like in the past for you, but if I can encourage you to give it another try and to help take the sting out of it for you, then that is a start. 

I am by all means not saying please air your dirtiest, darkest secrets on social media, or at any other inappropriate times or ways. I am saying that it is okay to be attentive to a moment you need to open up about feelings, or swallow your pride and admit something, and be brave and follow through. 

I am saying that it is okay to come to a place where you can say "oh the joy of vulnerability" and mean it; and knowing if having relationships, ministry, and discipleship like Jesus means being a little more vulnerable, you too can say "i'm in." 

"God asks us to be this vulnerable all the time – with Him and with others – if we want true joy."

Psalm 21:6 For you make him most blessed forever; you make him glad with the joy of your presence.

One of these days I may hand-write this all out for you, but I wanted it to get to you quickly so maybe you might cry as hard as I did yesterday (misery loves company, right?)

I'm not really big on goodbyes, I'm more of a "see you soon" kind of girl. There is something that is just so heavy about "goodbye", but "see you soon" just does something to ease the heart a little.

But before I say it, there is something you both need to know.

You both for the impact you have had on my life, and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for that.

Together you both are a power couple for the gospel. You opened your door, your hearts, your ministries, and your families up to me.

You were the first to give me my first real leadership role on ministry. You were the first to show me what a real Christian family and Christian marriage looked like.

You taught me how to parent in a godly way. How to be hospital, to be nice to boys and act like a lady, and how to invest in people and expect nothing in return.

You showed me that I too have a love for the foster care system (well not so much the system, but the children in it) and that blood doesn't make you family.

Monday nights were always my favorite, because even if they were crazy hectic and you needed a 3rd driver to grab kids from appointments, or schools, or practice you did real life with a smile and an open heart.

And there was nothing like snuggling with each of the kids one by one in the chair when I would come back for a visit and we would, as C would say, "have the band back together."

Remember how hard it was for me to leave you guys and go an hour and a half away, and I sent Sadie Anne back to the van balling (which is probably good I didn't hug her goodbye, because we both would be reliving that moment, so I know you'll send her my love)

This moment is about a million times harder to let y'all go even further, but I know you promised my move to Franklin would be good & that The Lord is good so I know this will be good too.

You will forever be family and my spiritual parents, because just like you guys taught me, blood doesn't make family.

So there will be no goodbyes here, just see you soon with lots of FaceTime, texts, calls, and road trips in the near future.

Love you guys! Wish you all the best! 

Proverbs 31:30 charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears The Lord is to be praised.

I get asked on many occasions if I think before I speak, Maybe that's a sign that I should start to think before I speak, however my response usually is, "no, I like to be just a surprised and entertained at what comes out of my mouth as you are."  I  mean, who doesn't like surprises? 

That being said,  I may be just as surprised as you by what gets written in this post.

Something that has been on my heart for a long time, but more heavily this past week is the world vs The Word in regards to being a woman. 

When God created woman, because after days of creation and 7 times saying "it is good" He found something that WASN'T good.. for man to be alone. 

Now the key thing there is that God doesn't give Adam Eve right then and there. He could have, I mean HELLO he is God. King of ALL creation. But he waits, which is a whole nother blog post. So skipping to the point where God does create Eve for Adam, look at what it says

Genesis 2:21 So The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs. 

In the worst of my mother "He jacked the dudes rib" 

V22 and the rib that The Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 

God didn't make the woman from dust like He did the man. 

That there, leads me into my point... The worth of a woman, as The Word says. 

The reason the woman was created was because God did not like that the man was alone. We are a very special creation. The Word tells us we are made for the man. the world tells us we ARE the mans. 

Let me type out the list here that I jotted down in my notes...

 We are, as woman

*an investment not a sacrifice

*worth preparation not just promises

*a gift not a commodity 

*fearfully and wonderfully made! not a mistake

We are also made with very special hearts. We are made for relationships, that is a thumbprint of God on our heart. So many have a desire to marry and I think that concept has been so stolen and destroyed from its original purpose and meaning. 

A marriage between a man and wife is to glorify God. Before a woman can become a kingdom wife that will stimulate not stifle her husbands walk with God is first, she has to figure out her worth in Christ as a single and as a woman. 

Side note, I love Lysa Terkhuerst and all of the many wise things she allows The Lord to use her for. 

But one of my favorite quotes from her is that "no person profession position or possession can ever fill the cup of an empty wounded heart, that is a cup only God can fill" and she is SO true.

But that brings us back to fighting what the world says, that a man can fix all my problems. When I find the right man it'll alllll be okay.

Just FYI for those of you that still believe that, it's a load of crock... 

But because of that load of crock, women search for a husband and all they want is to get married. Our Disney movies and fairly tales tell us so. Movies and society continue to fester that wound as we grow into our teenage years. Pinterest feeds our lust for marriage as young adults. 

Beloved, let me tell you this. No man can ever love you the right way because of the way you have been designed. Our ultimate love is to come from God. You are worthy of more than ONLY the love of an earthly man, and marriage isn't the answer to ANY of your problems. It will never make you feel complete. You know what I bet sucks more than being lonely, having somebody that you can call your husband and share a life with but still feeling more lonely that you ever did before. Once that happens you will be that quarrelsome wife that is talked about in Proverbs 27 & 21. I think a lot of women today need to figure out their worth and who they are in Christ, so that when the chance arises to be a help meet for somebody, they are equipped and prepared to Glorify God as a kingdom wife. 

"A woman is not born a woman nor does she become a women when she marries a man, bears a child, and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women's liberation movement --- A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be." -Lady in Waiting

We don't become a woman when we can finally wear lace underwear, put on whatever makeup we choose, purchase push up bras, and wear low rise jeans or high heels. Those are all worldly things that the world mistakes for beauty and womanhood. 

BUT The Word tell us something different about who we are and what we should be concerned with. What makes a godly woman that turns into a Kingdom Wife

"Do not let your adorning be external the braiding of hair and the putting on of jewelry or the clothing you wear but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the IMPERISHABLE beauty of a gentle quiet spirit which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4

 "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears The Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

"A wife of noble character is her husbands crown" Proverbs 12:4

"Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from The Lord" Proverbs 19:14

And Proverbs 31:10-31 tells us all about what that looks like.

So I urge you to ask yourself the same question I have asked myself this week, "what is a wife?" And answer it according to what The Word says. Not what the world says.

A wife is not somebody to keep the kitchen busy and the bedroom even busier, and the road between the two hot. Not something to complete a man but to compliment him. Not quarrelsome but prudent and noble. Not a sacrifice but and investment. Not stifling but stimulating in his faith & walk. Not a commodity,  but a gift from God, fearfully and wonderfully made, worth more than just empty promises and words. 

In today's society when there is a battle with the world vs The Word, many let the world win. But beloved I urge you to hold fast to the truth. Taste and see that the word of The Lord is good, and soak in all he has to say about you as a woman. As His daughter. 

You are worthy. Worthy of more than starving yourself, coloring your hair, skin, and nails, and shopping to be what the world says is beautiful. You are worthy of an in-explainable love given by a savior who died on the cross to know & have your heart.

For God IS love. An Unwavering love. (1 John 4:16)

-B

1 Peter 5:8 for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour

Yesterday listening to a sermon on the radio, this information was shared:

 

"The giraffe gives birth standing up, so the first thing that happens to a new-born giraffe is a fall of about 10 feet.

Still dazed, the baby tries to stand up on its four legs, but its mother behaves very strangely: she gives the baby giraffe a gentle kick which sends it sprawling. It tries to get up, stands, and is again knocked down to remind the baby how it got up the first time.

This process is repeated several times, until the new-born giraffe is too exhausted to stand. At that point, the mother kicks it again, forcing it to get to its feet. After that, she does not push the baby giraffe over again.

The explanation is simple: in order to survive predators, the first lesson a giraffe must learn is to get to its feet quickly."

To survive the predators, that prowl and would love to devour a baby giraffe, it must get to its feet quickly. 

Funny how that was a story used as an illustration in a sermon. I always wonder where these pastors and speaks find this crazy stories and how they even relate, but this story as crazy as it is has a very clear message.

Lately I've sort of felt like that baby giraffe. Each time I get to my feet and feel like I'm finally standing okay, I'm knocked back down. 

Feeling frustrated, strained, and confused I gather the strength to stand back to my feet and not sit defeated or quit. Even though I would be lying if in the quietness of my heart I think about just quitting and staying down. All the while wondering why why why does this keep happening. 

Hearing this story made me think of the scripture in 1 Peter 

Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring [in fierce hunger], seeking someone to seize upon and devour. (1 Peter 5:8 AMP)

The Lord wants me to be able to get back to my feet quick, and He is conditioning me to do so, because if I don't get to my feet quickly (just like the baby giraffe that has to keep up with the pack) the predator in my life would love to devour me. 

If you feel knocked down, don't stay down. Get up quickly, and keep moving. 

Ephesians 3:20 To Him be the glory

At 2:01 on August 25, 2014, what would be my first day of my 2nd year of teaching, I lie restless. With mixed feelings. Mixed thoughts. Mixed emotions. 

After not writing in weeks, not wanting to pick up pen paper ipad anything, I get the nudge to write.

Like I normally do with my journal open, I flip pages praying that something jumps off the pages from the past and grabs my attention.

Tonight it did. 

February 15, 2014

"Because the Father has given ME full sufficiency in Him alone, as a thank you, I need to fulfill my ONE purpose to be used and spend every bit of my mental, nervous, and spiritual energy to disciple men and women to The Lord Jesus Christ. I am to do this no matter where I am. Church, classroom, or work."  

The joy of this is that I found these words after writing...

"Because sometimes, just sometimes, The Lord has to open the door to allow things into your life to remind you that you, you aren't I'm control and that no matter how hard you try you will never be able to plan it all out, and you won't ever have it all figured out. 

That something can be something awful bad or it could be awful good. I'm a firm believer The Lord has a sense of humor, but I'm even firmer believer that He knows what's best. So no 10 year 5 year or 1 year plan you could ever imagine will come to be. Some of it might, but most of it won't. Scripture tells is that there is nothing that can ever separate us from the perfect love of The Father, and because of that He has great plans for us that are FAR greater than anything our imperfect human minds could imagine. 

He knows best. His ways are higher.

To the one who can and will do immeasurably more, to HIM be the glory (Eph 3:20)." 

I find so much comfort in both of these, and I love as I sit here asking why to many things that just don't make sense in any way, The Lord has given me the answers right here, and both start with the word "because" 

Praying that this meets you where you are. Praying that you aren't also awake at 2:15 am seeking and searching, but if you are know that He has a plan.

To Him be the glory.

B