This past Sunday my Pastor, Bruce Frank, started a new series on relationships called iVow.
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(click image or linked here - http://www.biltmorebaptist.tv/media/ivow/ )
That, coming across Matt Chandlers "Beautiful Design" series and some interesting interactions lately have really had my mind working overtime.
When it comes to relationships, that can be a touchy subject for those married and single. I know this because I myself am single, and I am surrounded by single and married friends.
From the single perspective, both singles in the church and outside of the church are all having a similar struggle. Our married friends and family, both older and younger, just aren't quite sure what to say to singles. Majority of the things they have said are not beneficial.
So for the sake of singles everywhere, I have talked to some single friends of mine and together we have gathered a list of things for you to please stop saying to singles.
1. Why are you still single?
don't ask us why. it is not a math problem, we can't explain it to you. we don't know why either, but guess what, now you have made us wonder why and what could be so wrong with us.
2. I can't believe that you are still single!
this is not beneficial. you may mean it as a compliment but trust me, it is not.
3. I feel sorry for girls like you, no good guys left.
another "you may mean well but it didn't come out too nicely" phrase. singleness is not a sickness, and we do not need you to pity us.
4. I have the perfect person for you.
every single married person out there has the "perfect person" for their single friends. somebody always wants to set us up. and 9 times out of 10 it becomes a "is that really what you think of me" situation when we meet your "perfect person." unless you can really pull through, please stop trying to set us up.
5. If you don't stop doing (whatever the thing may be) you will never get married.
we all have our weird quirks. even if you are married you've got them. if we are not doing anything illegal or unbiblical, then please stop telling us that if we have one said quirk that will keep us from finding somebody. nobody's perfect.
6. Just date Jesus
you don't date Jesus. dating ends, so you are indicating we should not have a consistent, real relationship with Christ.
7. You don't need to take a break from dating, what if you miss an opportunity?
"God’s plan is all-inclusive. It is based on God’s omniscience (knowing all), so that everything past, present, and future is taken into account." (bible.org) there is nothing wrong with us taking some time to get our own affairs in order and to spend some time seeking only after Jesus. during our singleness God can use us in ways we can't be used otherwise. don't encourage singles to be afraid of missing an opportunity.
(read more about God's perfect plan here https://bible.org/seriespage/2-god-s-perfect-plan )
8. It'll happen when you least expect it.
news flash, we are single surrounded by married people everywhere and a world that constantly tells us we are less if we are alone, we are always expecting it. you may be trying to encourage us, but this is not one of those things that will. cliches are not encouraging.
9. You will find somebody some day, it's coming.
and last but not least,
10. There is somebody out there looking for you right now.
these last two are different yet so similar they basically go together. we love your heart on this one, we hope that somebody is our there looking for us too but we don't know that for sure. this too goes back to what we talked about before with God's perfect timing. nobody knows the plans for our lives but The Lord.
Singles don't want to be pitied. Singleness is not a sickness or a punishment. We don't want you to feel sorry for us, we want you to love and encourage us. Encouraging us to use our time wisely, and to let The Lord use our time however He wants to. To stop looking on pinterest and making wedding plans, but use our time and efforts to make disciples. To take risks, try new things, and stop waiting to live our lives until find "the one."
In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul tells us if we are unmarried he wants us to be free from anxieties because we are only to be anxious about the things of the Lord and how to please Him.
So, if you find yourself talking with an unmarried friend (bitter or not so bitter, because there are definitely two sides of singleness) stay far away from the list above and encourage them with that nugget of truth, and the truth that Romans 8:28 tells us that God works all things together for our good, no matter what.
