Deuteronomy 31:6b "He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

The perfect song for this blog & one of my all time favorites. One I would suggest REALLY listening to the lyrics. (AND I got to see this song performed live & loved it! and sorry for the ads)


It has been a few weeks since I've written anything.. 20 days exactly I'm pretty sure...

A lot of us struggle with a thing called pride. 
I love to write, but about good things. It is a lot harder to write about the bad things & the struggles and when I am lost, and low, and confused, and broken. 
I'm going to do it though.

I have come a long way, and am proud of who God is creating me to be.
I am not the same person I was two months ago.
I am not the same person I was two weeks ago.
I am not the same person I was two days ago.
I am not the same person I was two hours ago.

Life is ever changing, and God is always working in our lives.

I came to the realization today that sometimes I just suck.
yeah I said it, I suck.
there really isn't a better word for it. 
I could list all the times I've messed up, wronged somebody, or just stumbled.. but it's just easier to say I suck. 

I carry so much on my plate that I neglect relationships. 
I know I am not always the best friend, sister, daughter, student, daughter of Christ... & I know I can't fix that but I can move past it, ask for forgiveness and start fresh.


Even when I feel like I suck the most or I have royally screwed it up, those that love us forgive us. 
God forgives us. He loves us no matter how much we have screwed up. No matter how many times we have wronged Him, He always loves us anyways. Just as the song says. 
Now don't get me wrong, that doesn't give you permission to use and abuse God or any others in your life because if they love us it will be okay, if God loves us no matter what it will be okay. It won't.

Sometimes I feel so broken, lost, confused, hurt, emotional.. and a kabillion and fifteen other things... 
It's okay to be weak. That I believe is God's way of showing me that we need Him. That I need Him. 

We are human, therefore we are not perfect. That means we will struggle, screw up and just flat out suck at times. It's okay to admit it. I just did, multiple times.

I've been struggling a lot lately with letting God take control and lead me and trust in Him. That isn't fair to Him. I am not being the best daughter of the King when I do that. It happens though. I feel bad after. Just as bad as I feel for not being the best friend I can be, the best sister, or the best daughter. 

It's just time that I really focus on those relationships too and not neglect them. I carry so much on my plate but that is no excuse to be neglectful. 
It's time for me to put my big girl pants on & make things right & better from here on.



"To worry is to doubt God."

I trust that God uses these times to open my eyes. To help me grow. To make me and mold me into who He has created me to be. 

Today has been one of the craziest and one of the best days. 
Thankful for what God is doing in my life. 
Thankful that He loves us no matter what, even when we don't love ourselves or times in our life. Even when we try to turn from Him or take things into our own hands... He loves us anyway. He loves me anyway.

I know what my problems are and it's time to fix them. 
I ask for those of you that read this blog (this very scattered rambling post) to pray for me. After you read this, when you think about me, anytime.
Pray for me.


No more sucking.
No more doubting God.

"let the past make you better, not bitter." 

goodnight y'all.
-B

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

(since I am about to begin another year of life, my new year, I feel like this song is super fitting for this post)

This is my first September post. It's the 3rd, which means tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 21 tomorrow. So today is my birthday eve (yes I acknowledge my birthday eve.. if you don't, you are missing out.)

Usually on my birthday eve I do some reflecting. Just looking past over the last year.. I like to look at changes.. see how far I have come... see what events have happened.. see who has walked into my life and who has walked out.

I am pretty content with this past year. I have come a long way and am not what I used to be. I am happy with who I am and who I am becoming.

I have learned that it is so important to foster who you are. No two people were created the same so it seems completely insane to compare two unalike products. We may be similar but we are totally different. Each one of us was hand crafted for a special purpose and to be a special child of God. Too often we get caught up in trying to be like others, and we compare ourselves to those all around us when really we need to take a step back and realize that it is okay to be who we are. We need to foster who we are. I am learning that more and more. I love who I am. I know I am not the cookie cutter 21 year old college girl and I am beyond okay with that. I use to not be. I felt like I had to have everybody's approval and I DON'T. We only have to answer to God. We only have to do our works for Him. We only have to seek HIS approval and no one else's. We get so caught up in the flesh and the worldly things that we forget that. We forget that God made us who we are for a reason. There will always be people who have something to say about you and there will always be people who will try to change you. There will be people who don't like what you do or how you act because it isn't the same way they do things or you view things differently. But you know what that's ok! We don't have to have their approval.

God & Myself.
That's who I do stuff for.

If I want to wear camo shoes, pearls, a pink shirt, and pull my hair back.. I can. (even though we all know I don't wear pearls or pink.. I'm saying if I want to do it, I can and I will.)

I wear make up. Sometimes I wear jewelry. I drive a truck. I have a system in my truck. I love camo stuff. My favorite color is camo. I own high heels. I own Chippewas. I have 5 pairs of cowboy boots. I have 3 pairs of high heeled boots. I have dresses. I have overalls. I have a gun. I have a hunting game. I love football. I watch Gunsmoke. Some days I like to take time to get ready. Some days I get ready in 10 minutes. I listen to Christian music of the contemporary, rap, rock, and pop variety. I like rap, country, and pop music. I love to fish. I love to go shopping. I am unorganized. I love anything science, bugs, clouds, experiments. I love Jesus, and am not afraid to let you know where I stand. I am loud. I like to goof off. I like to make things and be crafty. I like doing hair and make-up for others. I don't like being a student. I can't wait to be a teacher. I love working with kids. I am not the most patient person. Sometimes I can get a temper. Sometimes I have an attitude. I usually say what is on my mind. I have trouble saying no. I like to help others any way I can. I am a procrastinator. I love to sleep. I love my family. I love to worship.

If I keep thinking, I could make that list even longer than it is. Those things make me who I am. People aren't always going to like all those qualities, or all those things.. but like I said who cares? I am who I am and I am proud of it. As this year comes to a close for me and I begin a new one tomorrow, I am going to always foster who I am. I will be proud if who God has created me to be. I don't work, serve, or answer to anybody but my Heavenly Father. & I pray for this next year that He gives me the strength and the courage and the confidence to stand up for who I am, be proud of who I am, and not give into the worldly views.

in the midst of all the madness, all we need is God. He is enough.
I am thankful that I am given another day. I am thankful I am making it to another birthday. I am thankful God never stops working through me and using me. I am thankful God is enough.

Let His will be done. Not that of my own. 
& all that starts will fostering who He has created me to be, and how He has made me.

& on a cool note. I am going to start reading the plan where you read the Bible in a year. I am excited to do that study along with the others I have going on.

Thankful for God's grace
Thankful for God's blessings
Thankful God teaches me things every day and I am continually growing in my walk with Him.
Thankful for all the people God has put in my life over this past year & ready to see where He leads me from here.


Let His will be done.


-B